One morning long ago, my husband practically pranced into the house with a pink box, opened the lid and asked, “Want a donut?”
At the time, I’d lost the remaining pounds, but was still on Bambi-legs adjusting to my new normal: maintenance.
“No. None for me, but thanks.”
He replied kindly, “Oh, live a little!”
He wasn’t food-pushing. It was more seeming pleased that I was “all-in” on smart eating and not back to my usual yo-yo plan.
Plus, of course, he wanted the box to himself.
No, But Seriously.
Saying no thanks. Why is it so hard?
Here’s my thought. Saying no to food is brutally difficult when we haven’t yet shifted from an external locus of control to an internal locus. (Locus is just a note away from the word “focus.” Locus in therapist-speak means “the place we come from.”)
People with an external locus allow their eating-lives to be determined by events, people and any luck that happens their way. For example:
- She walked in with stacks of pizzas for the meeting that turned into a total snooze. I couldn’t resist.
- Who isn’t stuffed after Thanksgiving ? Come on! It’s tradition!
- The Christmas holidays are my greatest weakness. Everyone goes crazy with food and drink! How can you not?
Those of us with an external locus explain results by saying that something outside of our control happened to us like a holiday, a season, a person or people, an unusual event like a wedding and so on.
You can easily see it in children. Kids are all about the external locus like when they say, “He made me do it!” (Even if parents don’t have a name for it, they work diligently to teach their little people how to come from an internal locus.)
You get the idea.
But great news: we’re not born with a tendency to be one or the other. We decide for ourselves whether to live from an external or internal place.
Saying No 101.
Most of us begin with an overcooked, limp noodle of a no, but with perseverance we can strengthen it into becoming a part of who we are as people. Yes, our land is blanketed in food-porn, but our culture is easier to navigate when we keep our “no-tool” with us at all times.
Think of it this way: the more you use your “no-tool”, the closer you are to becoming a person who lives from an internal locus. Meaning you get the say over what weight you feel best at; not Kroger, not your favorite Mexican, and definitely not Dunkin’ Donuts.
When I Say No.
I say no a lot. I say no when we’re on vacation (cruise ships are calorie ships), on holidays, eating out, and with family and friends. Even myself (as in: no, you cannot have the leftover Halloween candy: get it out of the house etc.).
The Habit of No.
Begin saying no every single day for forever. You want it to become second-nature. I know this might sound funny, but keep a sentence-a-day journal chronicling when you say no, like this:
9-12-21 – Your sister invites you out for Mexican. You say, “no, not tonight.”
9-13-21 – Your mom is always telling you to lighten up just before she offers you a chocolate croissant and you reply, “No, but thank you.”
9-14 –21 – Your husband makes pancakes for the kids every Saturday and asks if you’d like some. “No, I’m good. None for me.”
Watch as your no-muscle gets stronger and stronger every week, every month, every year. And eventually the people in your orbit will stop asking. (Which I really love.)
Is shifting to an internal locus easy? Sadly, nothing awesome is easy on this planet, but this is the moment when we remind ourselves that we can do hard things.
I’d love to hear your “no” stories. Feel free to share in the comments below. ♥
I mentioned in an earlier post that I love early fall because I take my shepherd to three end-of-summer doggie swim events. Below (under the purple text) is a picture of one very happy dog and his mom. Look in your area for these popular doggie swims too.
Remember you and I are forever beautiful works in progress.
I try to remember this thought throughout my day. Let’s remember it together.
♥, Wendy
P.S. Have you read Buh-Bye Aunt Bea Bod: 13 Tools to Lose Weight & Maintain a Forever Loss?
I packed Aunt Bea with every essential method I used to lose fifty-five and still use today.
Remember getting your driver’s license? How learning to drive wasn’t a “one and done” thing? Same with Aunt Bea. The Aunt Bea post is your ride to embedding Smart Eating habits into your life, habits that will have your back forever.
You can find Aunt Bea on this screen to your right. Just add your email and click the pink button. You’ll be sent an Aunt Bea email. If you don’t see an email within thirty minutes, check your spam. And always feel free to contact me: Wendy@TheInspiredEater.com.
Or better yet, click Begin Here. ♥♥♥ Print Aunt Bea, and tape her inside a kitchen cupboard, on your car’s dash, under your pillow, and so forth.
Apply to life as needed.
9 Comments
My “no” muscle is still a bit weak, but I am surprised when I sometimes notice that it IS getting stronger! (Mine is a voice my head that says “. . . or, you could NOT.” —> It’s an answer to the ever-present little suggestion-voice “Hey! It’s 2:00! You could go eat __________!” Yes, I have full conversations with myself about food that I do not even eat. Hahaha!)
What a great way of explaining how our “no’s” can become stronger! Thanks for sharing.
This post is so timeous, Thank You! I am able to say No, I did manage to lose the extra 10kgs I had been carrying around for twenty years. I lost them approx. 4 years ago and have managed to keep them off. However this summer I have regained 2 to 3 kgs but more annoying is my shape has really changed and I am not fitting into some of my jeans. So I have started the IF and calorie monitoring however I have a husband who loves midnight snacks. So instead of blaming him (mentally) when I sabotage my weight loss every other night I need to find my NO (thank you) again. Love your inspirational posts.
Thank you Lise. My husband offered me caramel popcorn the other night and I had to say to him, “None for me. Remember I stopped eating sugar at night?”
Eight months ago?!
Okay, I didn’t actually say the last part, but I was thinking it.
Wendy
Feeling so frustrated over here right now. I have picked up about 5-6 pounds that just want to hang on. I haven’t tried REAL hard to lose the weight but generally, it would begin to come off with just some attention to what I am eating. Not so lately. I need to remember that having my clothes feel good and feeling good in my clothes generally feels better than any Dunkin Doughnut tastes. Thanks for the encouragement to build a stronger NO!!
Thanks for sharing at the Big Fat Menopausal Life’s Share the Wealth Party. Have a wonderful week!
I am enjoying your thought process on losing weight. I definitely struggle with the No work often. Thanks so much for sharing your encouragement for all of us. #HomeMattersParty
Definitely good reading. Getting older makes maintaining your weight challenging. Thanks for sharing at Love Your Creativity. Happy Fall.
Love your link party, Linda! Thank you for hosting!