Making it through the First Week. Accept the difficulty.

A sugar-addict can find her fix anywhere. Just saying. Photo by Wouter Supardi Salari on Unsplash

Happy Friday, Thrivers!

Let’s jump right in!

Pearl One

I have a dear friend who has a rare disease called spinocerebellar ataxia (SCA) that a doctor described as being like MS and Parkinson’s had a baby.

A handful of years after getting her diagnosis, her lovely husband – of 30 years — told her that he wanted a divorce and was gone in a flash.

And finally tested, her two adult kids have the SCA gene too.

Her response to all of this? Before her ex left, she went all-in and found several “adaptive” sports programs that welcomed her with open arms like indoor rock climbing, a weekly Parkinson’s dance group, the YMCA for individual and group classes, and an adaptive scuba diving program in the Bahamas.

But coolest of all, Susan adopted a service dog and by holding his harness can walk unaided. He’s also super helpful if she falls.

Susan’s response to what could me called a nightmarish situation, has been nothing less than spectacular.

But I have to add, she’s not a superhero because of course, she cries, she rages, and then she cries and rages some more.

But somewhere deep in her psyche, Susan has reached a place of acceptance. Not that she loves what she’s learned to accept, but that she’s made peace with “what is” and is getting on with life.

In Elizabeth Kübler-Ross’s five stages of grief – denial, anger, bargaining, depression and finally acceptance – getting to the stage of acceptance doesn’t mean loving what’s happened, it means calling a truce with grief and accepting the reality of the circumstances.

It’s my take that most who refer to Kübler-Ross’s five stages of grief automatically assume that we’re talking giant chunks of time (he died in 2012, ten years later I’ve finally made it to acceptance).

But actually we can cycle through the stages in one minute like this: let’s say that I’ve been in maintenance for 16 years now and one evening I see my husband plow through a huge bowl of ice cream at 8 p.m. In the space of a moment watch how I pass through the grief stages:

Denial: He can sit next to me with ice cream. I’m fine. No biggie. Really. I’m fine.

Anger: I say to him,”Do have to eat the fricken’ bowl in front of me? How do you think I feel?!”

Bargaining: To myself, maybe I can have just a little and it won’t matter.

Depression: Why does everyone get to have fun-food, but me? 🙁

Acceptance: I say to myself, look, if you really want the ice cream you can have it in the morning. No problem. But when I ask myself if I want to be a size 8 or eat massive bowls of ice cream, it’s no contest. My wonderful grandma used to say, “in every life a little rain must fall, my darling.”

And so, keeping our smart eating lifestyle in mind as we proceed, knowing which stage of grief we’re in can only strengthen our smart eating lifestyle. ♥

Pearl Two

A step-by-step on how to make the first and second week successful, so you’ll have a third week. Let’s say that I want to bring a new habit to my evenings.

In the afternoon of the day I’m beginning to establish the new habit, I journal about how Day One will unfold. I never allow for the cave woman’s attitude “what happens, happens.”

I write in detail about the food I’ll eat (this is different than your tracker, continue tracking as you usually do), the podcasts I’ll listen to, and how I’ll remove myself from rooms and activities (like TV) that in the past I’ve always paired with ice cream. I’ll include what the most difficult moments in the evening will be for me, and I’ll write about how I’ll address each difficulty. Up until the moment I turn the lights out and fall asleep, I follow my plan.

The Steps to Creating a New Habit (or shoring up an old one). What follows is exactly how I begin — in the first week — to create a new habit. This process works for every new habit like giving up afternoon or evening sugar; having a smoothie in the evening versus cookies, cake, and candy (the Big Three), or walking each day for 30 minutes.

My Journal

The idea behind planning your toughest part of the day, is that you’re addressing what’s most difficult when you’re feeling good and aren’t under the duress of a craving.

Then when you get to the time of day that’s most difficult, you refer to the evening plan already written in your journal.

As you know, the first week or two of developing a new habit can be crazy-hard. Staying present with yourself every moment of the most difficult time of day is key (my difficult time is in the evening, yours might be mid-afternoon, or only on weekends).

The idea is that we’re taking ourselves by the hand, and following what we’ve already mapped out in our journal.

So, for week 1 and 2, our goal is to stay in our prefrontal brain by adhering to the plan. In the past, we’ve eaten poorly in the mid-afternoon or evening because we allowed our cave woman brain to run the show. After a long day, we need a break, and it just seems miles easier to let the cave woman run wild.

But she’s famous for making bad choices again and again.

Remember the cave woman will encourage you to overeat the lasagna, drink a third glass of wine, and chow the last of the garlic bread as you clean the kitchen. (This is a good time to say, ask for help. If evenings are tough, ask someone else to clean the kitchen or just leave it for tomorrow morning.)

The moment we engage our prefrontal brain — and lull our cave woman to sleep –, look out. The habit we want to embed in our hearts is just a few journal-planning sessions away.

This is how my journal rolls:

6:00 p.m. — I put all treats that I don’t want to eat, straight into the trash and squirt ketchup into the bag for good measure. (If you can’t exactly trash other people’s food, ask him or her to hide it on a top shelf that you can’t reach.)

6:15 – Eat my sweet potato with a light sprinkle of salt.

6:30 – Write for an hour or so. Don’t hang around to watch everyone have dessert.

7:30 – Listen to one episode of an inspirational podcast; two or three if needed.

8:30 – Evening shower, brush teeth, book/bed. (Currently reading The Gift: 14 Lessons to Save Your Life by Edith Eger. Great book. You might remember Dr. Eger from her first book, The Choice: Embrace the Possible. I’ve never been able to get through the entirety of a memoir about Auschwitz, — ever –until Dr. Eger’s. This woman’s story is so uplifting and I loved reading it, but heads up: I sent The Choice as a gift to a sweet, sensitive friend. She wouldn’t read past page 30. If you don’t do Auschwitz, The Gift is an excellent second choice.

Below I’ve included podcast and streaming suggestions that are motivational or just plain funny to keep you on the straight and narrow. Remember you don’t need to listen or watch a gung-ho podcast about food. You just want something entertaining that’ll lift your spirits.

Take a look.

• 29 Motivational Podcasts to Inspire You in 2022. I haven’t listened all 29 podcasts of course, but I love many on this list like The Tim Ferriss Show (although I hope you’ll ignore his “cheat day” eating plan) and the TED Radio Show.

• If you don’t like podcasts, consider watching TED Talks on your device. They’re short and motivational.

• These Are the 30 Best Comedy Specials on Netflix Right Now. If you want funny, this list has John Mulaney (Kid Gorgeous), Wanda Sykes, Sarah Silverman, Pete Davidson and many more. Only catch: do not watch shows about cooking or food.

The idea is that we’re taking ourselves by the hand, and leading us though the evening based on our planning earlier in the day.

Creating new habits is a challenge, for sure, but master how to keep your prefrontal brain in charge and prepare for success. ♥

Pearl Three

We’re keeping Pearl Three’s slot for what we once called “cheating,” “screwing up” or even “goofing,” today we call “relaxing our standards.” Who’s in?

Title this story: she’s in complete denial or how I relaxed my standards in one week. It all started with four innocent baby marshmallows melted atop my sweet potato. Once I’d had the taste of marshmallow I quickly progressed to handfuls of babies, eventually graduating to the big guys (keeping the count to just four, um, in the beginning).

But just as you’d expect, the time came when even four didn’t give me the fix I needed. Soon, I was downing a third of a bag — at one sitting. I should add: when nobody was around. I know that I need to decouple from the marshmallows and I’ll get to it, just as soon as I finish the last two bags in the cupboard.

As AA says, “Progress not perfection.” ♥

Pearl Four

As you know, I’m a huge fan of taking snacks in my cold-tote. But there are times when I’d like to eat something satiating in my kitchen, so that I’m not super hungry right in the middle of whatever I’m doing out of my home. Don’t get me wrong: I always travel with my cold-tote, but sometimes I want to leave the house comfortably full.

Here’s how I fill my tum: I make a peanut butter and ‘nanna sandwich (thank you, Elvis’s mom) on whole-wheat. If I’m out of bananas, I use strawberry preserves or honey.

Each of these food items on their own are filling, but when put into sandwich mode will “hold me” for a good two hours.♥

Pearl Five

The pessimist sees the difficulty in every opportunity; an optimist sees the opportunity in every difficulty.” – Winston Churchill ♥

Have a great weekend, Thrivers!

♥, Wendy

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