No fuss, no drama. Sometimes we just need to quietly remove ourselves from the situation when others are being rude.
Hi Thrivers!!
Holy cow, you guys. I’m on day twelve (as I type) of my no sugar challenge and I’m annoyed at how annoying going no-sugar is.
Now, of course there’s sugar in fruit and funny places like spaghetti sauce, but I’m staying well under the twenty-four grams of sugar a day that’s recommended. My main move is to steer completely clear of cake, candy, cookies, ice cream, donuts, brownies; the usual.
And it’s been annoying.
But as I like to say, “the first fourteen days are the most formidable.” So, I’ll let you know how I’m doing by day 16.
Pearl One
You and I forever have been told not to “beat ourselves up” about, say, baking red velvet brownies from scratch “for the family,” but then eating most of the pan myself, I mean, yourself.
But – really – what does “don’t beat yourself up” encompass? Because I think it’s much more than just critical self-talk.
It’s my thought that “beating ourselves up” can take several forms like allowing ourselves to continually ruminate on “shameful” moments from our past or memories from childhood of someone being cruel to us.
I combat the habit of ruminating about a sad or cringy memories by using a symbol – I’ve mentioned before that I think of a cathedral I once saw in Savannah — to pull me out of a not-helpful thought. It takes practice but you can shift out of a detrimental thinking pattern.
But we’re also “beating ourselves up” when we allow others to treat us badly and don’t immediately remove ourselves from the line of fire by walking away.
And to be super-clear, I’m not suggesting you throw a metaphorical rock at someone being rude/abusive and then walking away. I’m saying walk away with an internal attitude of, “no, this situation has gone too far and I’m taking a break.” (Try to keep in mind that when others are being awful to you, they might be fighting with you, but they’re actually arguing with old ghosts like their parents. Remember: it’s not about you – okay, maybe a kernel is about you — mainly your family member is fighting with a yesteryear loved one.)
And, of course, we have the traditional use of “don’t beat yourself up” that means don’t use attacking self-talk when something funky happens in life. Do I sometimes look at the scale and think, “what the hell?” Absolutely I do. I have a negative thought for literally two seconds or so and then shift into, “let’s be curious, let’s be determined, let’s be loving.”
I’ve worked hard to stay chill and not think, “I’ll always be big, god dang it, why is this so hard?! Why can’t I do this?!” Habituate yourself into talking kindly to you. Why? Because there’s zero evidence that beating up on ourselves helps us in anything, ever.
Authors don’t beat themselves up as they write a book. My son didn’t beat himself up while taking ten years of piano lessons. And I didn’t preserve my loss for seventeen years by beating myself up as each day went by.
Whether we’re beating ourselves up by ruminating on old hurts, letting someone else verbally attack us, or using highly critical self-talk, it’s time to internalize the truth that none of this helps us conquer our goals.
The only way to move into the future with confidence is to take a deep breath and tell yourself, “Wendy believes I can do this, I guess I can do this. I’ll work to habituate a loving internal voice and insist on respectful external conversations with loved ones. Sounds tough, but I’m tougher. Yes, in fact, I think I can do this.” ♥
Pearl Two
This genius idea comes from Thriver and writer of a gorgeous blog called Mantel and Table. Thank you, Barbara, for sharing your beautiful creativity with the planet!
From Barbara:
“I have either four or five ingredients in my summer salad formula. Four, if I’m not adding a protein; five, if I am. When I go to the store, I just buy my favorites in each ingredient category. Then when I’m ready for a salad, I add one of each category, and I’ve got a fabulous summer salad!
The ingredient categories I like best are these (Wendy’s comments in parenthesis):
- Salad greens – (like butter lettuce or spinach)
- Cheese – (feta is a great one)
- Nuts – (such as pecans or almonds)
- Fruits – (chopped apple or sliced strawberry)
- Protein – (I often use Trader Joe’s vegan chicken; found in cold case with yogurts.)
The point is to have a simple formula so you don’t have to think about it too much – just make your delicious salad and leave more time to sit down and enjoy it!”
I love this idea so much! Thank you again Barbara. I plan to forever take this formula with me when I shop. ♥
Pearl Three
A different challenge each Friday in August
Today’s challenge: Build a salad and eat it for lunch at least three times this week. I hope you’ll write to me and share what salad was on your plate each day. Seriously I want to hear from you! ♥
Pearl Four
Books love us and want us to be happy
As I type, we’re in August which makes me think that I should be recommending fun, bubbly books. Friends, failure! (I’ll do better next summer, I promise.)
For now, check out this marvel of a story that won the Pulitzer in 2016 (which is one of many that the author’s been awarded). He teaches at UCLA and is one of those people who seem super-human from another planet.
As I’ve mentioned a thousand times, I love books that tell an awesome story, begin with a bang, and also expands my mind (teaches me something good). The Sympathizer by Viet Thanh Nguyen brings it.
Many call the opening sentence “the best they’ve read in years.” The book starts in Vietnam and moves to Los Angeles in the U.S.
I’m only half-way through, but so far I’d call this a must-read and deserving of book-dessert status. ♥
Pearl Five
“It’s not about perfection, it’s about how quick you are to recover.” ♥
— James Clear
If you’ve enjoyed these Pearls it would be awesome if you’d share with a loved one. Also, you can follow me on Facebook and Instagram. And the Inspired Eater: the Book is half off all week until 8/10 for our wonderful group.
Have a great weekend everyone!
♥, Wendy
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15 Comments
Wendy! Thank you so much for featuring my salad strategy. You’re so kind! I love your suggestions in each category – those are some of my favorites as well. It’ll be so fun to hear what salads your readers make with all the great combinations out there!
And thanks for the super useful tips, too. Not only about the self-talk, but the ruminating and removing ourselves from toxic situations. I don’t always think about the last two, but you’ve reminded me how important they are!
Thanks again and take care out there!
Thank YOU for the rock star idea!
W.
“It’s not about perfection, it’s about how quick you are to recover.” ♥
What a beautiful quote! It is what I needed today, thank you. I appreciate your honesty on going off sugar and how hard it is. I am thinking I need to do the same thing soon. Reading your experiences is very helpful.
Thanks C!! My sugar experiment didn’t turn out so good. 🙁 Sad tombone sound.
Wendy
There is a reason I haven’t attempted it yet, even though I know I need to. Sugar is an addictive monster than pulls us in constantly. It is evil!
ps—I look forward to your thoughts and insight on what you learned and what advice you have from your experiences with giving it up.
yes, and that’s why I say: shift to “Brownies for Breakfast”. . . only in the mornings.
Once you have that habit in concrete then move to “sugar only on the weekends” or only MWF kind of thing.
Your prefrontal is in charge when you make these shifts. Plus you’re showing your own self that you can moved the cavewoman aside so that the prefrontal can take over.
Sorry for nagging!!
W.
Nope, you aren’t nagging at all!!! That is the reminder/refresher I needed. My “all or nothing” brain started trying to take over and we both know that never ends well. Your reminders/refresher just shut up my “all or nothing” thinking.
Hi Wendy
It’s garden produce time here in Central Minnesota. I LOVE that my neighbor (aka “The Gardener”) shares his abundance of cucumbers and cherry tomatoes…my go to is just sliced up cukes, tomatoes, and a little onion with a tablespoon of red wine vinegar and a few shakes of Everything Bagel seasoning. YUM!!! Today I added a pouch of chicken for protein as this was my lunch. I subscribed to Noom last year and lost 35 pounds…then decided that was good enough for the year (I quit Noom I think in July 2022). I kept off the weight – well..pretty much. Then I gained back 6 pounds and was really bummed over the winter. I re-subscribed to Noom again, and have lost that 6 pounds and another 6 to boot. I love your posts – they sound SO like me! Thanks for all your encouragement.
Hi CeCe! Re: your salad, I agree it sounds YUM! I don’t have a gardener next door — I wish — but I’m going to make your salad! I have to get Everything Bagel seasoning.
Congratulations on losing 35! That alone is a trek, but maintenance is another animal altogether.
I think using NOOM as your framework sounds like a great idea. And I’m so glad you’re following my posts; using a “thinking approach” to losing and maintenance is everything.
Such wise stuff. I can really relate. I finally got my weight under control at age 51 and maintained it for 5 years following very much similar to what you write about. Unfortunately a long bout of covid set me back and I am wanting to get back to this mindset. Pearl 5 especially rings true today.
“It’s not about perfection, it’s about how quick you are to recover.” ♥ I agree, it’s a great quote and thank you for such nice words.
Beautiful pearls, Wendy! I decided years ago that steering completely clear of cakes and pies and such was not going to work for me. But strictly staying under the 24 grams a day, and also 16/8 intermittent fasting every day, has pretty much eliminated all cravings, so it’s easy to once in a while have a reasonable portion that keeps me under the 24 grams.
You are one smart no-sugar cookie!!
Thank you for taking the time to write!
Wendy
Excellent! I love hearing peoples’ success stories!