Why a Forever-Weight Loss Requires Being Seen as Different

The friend that you meet at the cute cafe with the many calories? Sometimes you have to say goodbye.

Pearl One

How are you with being different? Maybe even described as a little weird? I sure wasn’t comfortable. We moved enough when I was young, and I was terrible at being the “new girl” in class. Breaking into cliques was never my forte, so I’ve found myself with a lifelong feeling of wanting to blend in.

The way I see it, we’re the first generation of women over 50 who are taking our food-porn culture by the scruff and telling it, “You’ve done enough damage, we’re taking back our health — and our bank accounts — one smart, embedded habit at a time.”

Thing is, you have to make peace with being different.

• Different is telling an eating-buddy that you can’t meet her anymore at the cute bakery because you know you’ll overeat the “muffins” (basically cupcakes minus the frosting) in the glass case.
• Different is putting your foot down when someone tries to schedule an activity during the day, time you’ve set aside for your Pilates class.
• Different is asking the server “too many” questions about the ingredients in food at the restaurant and getting the side-eye from your friends.
• Different is when you take your cold-tote everywhere. The one time you forgot it in the fridge, you asked your husband to go back for it. Even though he was not happy.
• Different is being a little obsessive with always putting your smart eating life first before holidays, before trips, before anything really that isn’t your cute, fuzzy cubs.

I’ll say it again: we are the first generation of over 50s who can – and are – taking ownership of our health and our bodies. We determine the fate of our weight, not Ben & Jerry’s.

And this requires swimming against the tide.

We can learn to navigate our culture’s gazillion calories, but it’s very unfamiliar territory. It requires entirely new ways of interacting with food, new ways of eating with friends and family, and new habits to establish.

Remember, I’m you. There’s nothing special about me. If I can do this, you sure can too. ♥

Pearl Two

When I was losing weight and then going onto preserve my original loss, I said these words to myself daily: “do not get smug, I am not smug. I’m never, ever smug.” Avoiding feeling smug was a signal to my brain that I was not finished “helicoptering” my life. Eighteen years of preservation later, my “helicoptering” is easier and feels more like “just real life.”

Somehow I knew that I had to always, always, always remember that losing – and maintaining – was incredibly difficult, and getting smug was merely the beginning of a downfall. ♥

Pearl Three

Original Sequence

• Situation (something very concrete): “The scale has only gone up.”
• Thought: “Oh, no. I thought this time would be different, that I would really keep my weight loss off. And – per usual – I’m not.”
• Feeling: Total anger, disappointment.
• Action: I spend the next week overeating.
• Result: The scale goes even higher, confirming that I can’t do this (maintain).

New Sequence

• Situation (something very concrete): “The scale has only gone up.”
• Thought: “Okay, instead of getting furious, I’m getting curious.”
• Feeling: Resolved.
• Action: I immediately head for my journal and begin writing. I ask myself what my habits are like? Am I still tracking? Have I given up evening desserting? Do I take a great book to bed? Do I still have the habit of seeing my eating life as “on a diet” or “off the diet?” If I’m still looking at eating as “being on” versus “being off”, how do I help myself let go of that old way of living with food? How do I help myself live on the Smart Eating Path? What do I start with first?
• Result: I’m back to strengthening my habits and immediately shop for smart food. ♥

Pearl Four

I love reading a good memoir about a celebrity that I don’t really know, but am blown away to find out how mega-interesting and funny they are. The funniest moment was the time I picked up a Black guy’s memoir in the library that I 100 percent loved only to watch a movie with my sons and shout out, “Hey! It’s the guy from the book!” “The guy” was Kevin Hart and I’d read his I Can’t Make This Up: Life Lessons. I absolutely recommend this funny, inspirational book. I love reading about successful people and all they did to make the big-time. (He writes so well about his mom and dad. For that alone I recommend it.”)

Penny Marshall’s book was different in that of course I knew Laverne from Laverne and Shirley. When I saw Laverne’s (Penny Marshall’s) memoir My Mother Was Nuts: a Memoir at the library, I grabbed it. This book was such a fun read. How she got her start in Hollywood is super interesting and funny. I highly recommend this book-dessert. It was definitely stay-up-too-lateable.

My other favorite memoirs are:

The Choice: Embrace the Possible by Edith Eger. (Trigger-alert! If Nazis and Nazi stories are upsetting, maybe pass on this memoir. It’s not gory in the least, but I gave it to an aunt who had a strong reaction to it. She responded how I would respond if the book’s about hurting animals.  (To give you an idea of the author’s reach: she’s been visited by Oprah and of course in Oprah’s book club.)

Educated: A Memoir by Tara Westover.

The Elephant in the Room — One Fat Man’s Quest to Get Smaller in a Growing America by Tommy Tomlinson.

My Stroke of Insight a brain scientist’s personal journey by Jill Bolte.

Simple Dreams: a Musical Memoir by Linda Ronstadt.

My Southern Journey: true stories from the heart of the South by Rick Bragg.

So Close to Being the Sh*t, Y’all Don’t Even Know by Retta

On Writing: A Memoir on the Craft by Stephen King.

The unwinding of the miracle : a memoir of life, death, and everything that comes after by Julie Yip-Williams.

Wild by Cheryl Strayed. ♥

Pearl Five

Never give up on something that you can’t go a day without thinking about.” Winston Churchill ♥

I cannot believe that I’ve gone an entire summer without once putting on a bathing suit and going to the neighborhood pool. When my boys were small I loved everything having to do with swimming pools, water slides, spray parks, lakes and beaches. Summers were awesome.

This week I am going to the pool: maybe even twice. (I’ll take pictures.)

♥, Wendy

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