Are You Forgetting You? How to Put Yourself Into the Equation

Pearl One

Hello Thrivers!

I’m a true-blue library gal. But I’ve moved enough times to know: keep your book collection at the library. That said, I bought these two heavy-hitters:

The first is The Power of Habit: Why We Do What We Do in Life and Business by Charles Duhigg (2012) and the second is Atomic Habits: An Easy and Proven Way to Build Good Habits and Break Bad Ones by James Clear (2018).

Both have spent a gazillion weeks on the New York Times and Wall Street Journals’ bestsellers’ lists. (I hear from a reliable source that Atomics’ audio is excellent.)

Embracing these two books – and revisiting them on the regular – has played an intricate roll in my success at preserving my original loss. I can’t stress enough how much developing great habits did for my long-term success. I always say create smart habits and the weight will follow.

Let me give you an example of one heavy-hitter of a habit we all need to embed: morning planning.

Meet Lisa, an active grandma who understands the importance of smart eating habits but had a slip on this particular Saturday. Lisa is a grandma to two little girls, and it’s her plan to keep her weight down and stay as active as possible for her granddaughters.

One weekend Lisa’s five-year-old granddaughter is having her birthday party. Lisa’s been given the job of picking up the balloons (she has an SUV) but — at the last minute — her son asks Lisa if she could also pick up the cake at a Costco across town. She thinks, no problem. Lisa was happy to help because she loved being an involved grandma every day of the year, but especially on birthdays. She picked everything up and brought the balloons and cake to the party. All was going beautifully until Lisa’s hunger kicked in. She wondered when had she last eaten? Was it that cantaloupe and bagel she’d had at breakfast? Hours ago?

Her daughter-in-law mentioned that there was adult food in the kitchen, so Lisa made a beeline to the “adult food” and without haste began dipping Ruffles into a sour cream dip. She also ate four deviled eggs, and had a large slice of birthday cake. After the guests had gone home and they were cleaning up, Lisa had another slice before leaving for her own home.

What happened?

Lisa hadn’t factored herself into the day.

So, here’s how I suggest Lisa include herself in the future.

1) the evening before the party, we’d see Lisa pack a cold-tote full of healthy food she loves like sliced apple (sprinkle a little citrus juice on the apples so they don’t go brown), a little yogurt (with a spoon), a hard boiled egg, a bag of petite carrots and two peanut butter and jelly sandwiches. Why two? With all of the driving and running around to pick everything up and then the party itself, Lisa wouldn’t likely get home until five or six o’clock. She needs fuel-food to get all the work done.

2) the morning of the party, I’d suggest to Lisa that she write a specific plan for that particular day. She’d delineate where the obstacles would be and add solutions next to each obstacle.

3) Did you know that “car eating” “is a thing? Well it should be! I’d emphasize that food in her cold-tote would keep her well out of the chips and dip. In her morning plan, I’d even suggest she include what she’ll have for dinner when she arrives back home. The idea is to eat one peanut butter and jelly sandwich on the drive home so she doesn’t get home famished/

Our crazy busy days request one thing from us: a morning smart eating plan. ♥

Pearl Two

What are your thoughts on embedding a new habit this week? Is there part of your smart eating day that you’d like to fine-tune?

Here’s how I embed a new habit: I lean on the study out of England that concluded that it takes sixty-six days of purposely repeating a behavior before the behavior gets locked into the automatic part of our brain. I know sixty-six days might sound daunting, but I found that it’s the first sixteen that are really tricky.

For many, giving up the evening desserathon is what they most want to embed. Two years ago, I gave up eating everything after dinner. I can tell you from personal expedience the the sixty-six days nail a new habit.

Whether you choose a small or big habit to instill, plan to keep track on your calendar so you can record what day you’re on. (And to give yourself kudos along the way). If you’re playing along, share which habit you’re working to embed in the comments below. I’ll go first, since my smart eating is going well, I’ll go with keeping the downstairs’s bathroom spotless and smelling extra nice. Also in establishing a habit, if you “slip up” it’s no big deal, just get back on the giving-up-sugar horse and you’ll be golden.

You’ll slip. I’ll slip. Everyone slips. Plan to slip, but don’t take a slip as an easy-out. Our work is about getting back the horse and engaging with yourself around “messing up.” Slips are part of the whole shebang. How we respond to our slips while we’re on the way to establishing a new habit is what counts. ♥

Pearl Three

Sequencing is taken directly from Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT). The purpose of sequences is to help us move from reacting to circumstances to responding. I encourage you to do a sequence a day in your journal. Powerful stuff.

This situation is about a friend’s current circumstance.

Automatic Sequencing

• Situation (be very concrete): I play golf almost every weekend. My teenage son doesn’t like golf and won’t play.
• Automatic Thought: I thought that if I love the game, he’d love it too!
• Feeling: Annoyed, disappointed.
• Action:  I’ve had to stop myself from making passive-aggressive comments.
• Result: He and I are short with each other.

Chosen Sequence

• Situation (be very concrete): I play golf almost every weekend. My teenage son doesn’t like golf.
• Chosen Thought: My son isn’t into golf and that’s okay. It’s not what I’d expected, but my boy is really into his own sport which is what I want for my son: a sport he loves.
• Feeling: Happy that he’s not pattering his life after mine. He’s an individual with his own interests.
• Action: I spend one weekend watching him at skateboard parks. He’s gotten really good.  I’d had no idea how good.
• Result: A much better relationship with my son. ♥

Pearl Four

Books love us and want us to be happy.

The Love Elixir of Augusta Stern by Lynda Cohen Loigman is a feel-good book that drew me in on the first page. If you need a happy, wonderful story this is your book. I’m always xcited because I found a new-to-me author. We’ll definitely be reading her again. The book starts out with our protagonist — Augusta — reluctantly agreeing that it was time to retire from her long held job. She leaves New York City to live in a retirement community in Florida (because as Seinfeld told us “it’s the law.”) One hundred percent book-dessert. ♥

Pearl Five

If you want small changes in your life, work on your attitude. But if you want big and primary changes, work on your paradigm.” ♥

Stephen Covy

Have a smart eating week!

♥, Wendy

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