Pearl One
As therapists-in-training my peers and I were taught that if a client started “yes, butting” us it was a clear sign that we’d careened the client and ourself into the weeds.
An example:
Therapist: “So, you’re saying that he’s part of what you call your weight problem because he brings home donuts. Have you asked him to stop?”
Client: “Yes, but while he’s great for a week or two, he eventually reverts back to what he’s always done. Like last week, he brought home donuts leftover from a meeting, and of course I caved.
Do you see the “yes but?”
The thing is, I think we “yes, but” our own self like in these examples:
- I’ve always wanted to join the new Pilates place. But the cost, the time in traffic, the grocery store.
- I’ve always wanted to host foster kids for the weekend. Once a month, I could see that. But my life is just too crazy right now
- I’d love to shop for a new dress for the summer wedding, but, but, but.
Stronger questions would look like this:
- How do you take care of your interests and needs on a daily basis?
- When you think of getting your needs met, what comes up for you?
- Would you say that you have your own back? What does “having your own back” even look like for you?
- How were you cared for in your younger years? In your young adult years? Middle adult years?
Look for the patters in your life. The stronger we become, the more ourselves
Pearl Two
How does seeing patterns help weight loss over fifty? Here’s the thing, once you identify a pattern, you can then move to disrupt it.
A pattern from my own life, My dad worked in Hawaii every other year and would take us with him. We stayed in a cool hotel that had a kitchen. We’d be there for five weeks. So when we got back home while I loved seeing our pup, I pined to be back in Hawaii.
Today, things have changed. These days I long to get back to Richmond, Virginia. We had four awesome years in VA, but my husband got a job offer and we’ve been in a super-fantastic-but-not-Richmond suburb for ten years. I’m figuring out how to love where I live. ♥
Pearl Three
Sequencing is taken directly from Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT). The purpose of sequences is to help us move from reacting to circumstances to thoughtfully responding. I encourage you to do a sequence a day in your journal. Powerful stuff.
Automatic Sequence
- Situation (be super-duper concrete): my husband recently had a stroke and has short term memory loss.
- Immediate thought: this will really ruin our lives.
- Feeling: Fear, sadness and why us?
- Action: Ice cream.
- Result: Gaining not losing weight, that’s for sure.
Chosen Sequence
- Situation (be super-duper concrete): my husband recently had a stroke and has short term memory loss.
- Chosen thought: this is new — my parents never had memory loss – I think a book on the topic would be good for me.
- Feeling: Hesitant leaning toward confident.
- Action: I got a book and started reading and found Facebook pages and more websites. I learned a lot. We both have.
- Result: After all this research we’ve learned so much and have a better time in our have a better time being marriage. ♥
Pearl Four
Books love us and want us to be happy
Whether your relationship with your mom was awesome or awful you’ll love reading Lucky Me: My Life With–and Without–My Mom, Shirley Maclaine by Sachi Parker. The lengths Maclaine went to ditch her daughter’s childhood defies understanding. Those of us who love our children beyond words, can’t fathom being so uninvolved with a child. Five thumbs up. ♥
Pearl Five
No matter how many mistakes you make or how slow you progress, you are still way ahead of everyone who isn’t trying.” ♥
— Tpny Robbins
My boys’ birthday is getting closer. One of my sons is super frugal. Everything about him is minimize, minimize, minimize. The other son likes the finer things in life. So I don’t know what to give either one! Any ideas greatly appreciated.
I hope your week soars!
♥, Wendy
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I am not an expert, doctor, surgeon, nurse, dietician, or nutritionist: the information within TheInspiredEater.com is based solely on my personal experience and is not intended to be used as a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment.
