Pearl One
I had a dear friend from many years back who told me — in whispers — that she’d had the “sleeve stomach surgery” but had “eaten around” her sleeve whisking herself back to square one (i.e. Reddit tells us, “you can stretch your pouch and regain most or all of your weight loss”).
Her last words on the subject, “but I was hungry!” with a crinkle to her brow. Oh, how many times I’ve made the exact same excuse with the exact same wrinkle to my brow.
Hunger. Eighteen years into preserving my original loss, I’m sold on the idea that a new way of engaging with the concept of “hunger” is key to a forever weight loss.
Over time, I realized that most of us use “hunger” like it’s a “get out of jail free” card. We tell ourselves that the eating plan we’re currently on – in this case, my friend who ate around the sleeve – only “works” if we don’t have to deal with hunger.
And yet this skill is the one I’m most proud of. Learning to chit-chat with your stomach is an actual skill that you can develop over time.
Most of us have learned since we were tiny that overeating junk food was a legit way to self-soothe. So don’t be hard on yourself. I was five years into preserving my loss before I even noticed that I was dealing with hunger in a new, much better way.
Today I can be moderately hungry, but see that the clock says that lunch is in thirty minutes and know that me and my stomach can wait thirty minutes to eat. But one time, I was at lunch with my parents a year or so after the COVID lock-down, and because the staff took time in taking our order, I almost ate two of the little honeys that are at every coffee shop booth, straight. I’m not being dramatic: that time I was truly, seriously very hungry.
It took time, but I started to notice what was happening inside of re: hunger. Was I ravenous (like at the coffee shop)? Was I moderately hungry and could wait thirty or so more minutes? Was I just a touch hungry and could easily wait an hour? Or even, did I not feel hungry and didn’t need to eat at all?
It’s an advanced skill to have a great relationship with hunger. And it’s always bugged me when “they” throw the many weight loss/preservation tips into one magazine article or website post as if the skills are all alike in difficulty. Some skills – like learning to engage with hunger in different ways – take years to establish. So what to do now? Start by noticing your hunger throughout the day. That’s it. Just consider how you feel before eating and notice what your response is to the “I’m hungry” thought. More on hunger in a coming post. ♥
Pearl Two
Eat Before You Eat. One day, I came across a supermodel’s vlog. She explained to her audience how she eats before “a big shoot.” Since, to date, nobody’s invited me on one, I was mainly checking out her very cool Manhattan apartment.
But then the supermodel said something that stopped me cold, “I like to eat before I eat,” and with that one sentence time stood still.
The supermodel didn’t give more details, but I took her comment to mean that “eating before I eat”, is no longer about needing to use sheer willpower to restrain myself from overeating food. “Eating before I eat” means that I have the ultimate say over how much I consume at dinner.
I use the “eat before I eat” strategy at all evening meals whether I’m out with friends, on a trip, or home with the family. I always eat in advance, so when I sit down at the table, I’m never ravenous. I do this on lunch dates too and if I’m driving to an event, I snack on something healthy the entire way in the car.
The food I reach for when I’m trying to purposely “ruin my meal” (as my dad would put it) is a half-cup of cottage cheese with grapes, a handful of cherries, a full sliced apple or banana, a small bowl of cereal, one slice of whole wheat bread topped in hummus or peanut butter. That kind of thing. Small, not big. Just eat enough to curb your hunger and you’ll actually enjoy your meal because you’re not racing to shovel food into your stomach. And last, if I’m driving to an event, I snack on something healthy the entire way we’re in the car.
After years of “eating before I eat”, family members seeing me eat still ask, “Why are you eating?! We’re having dinner in twenty minutes!” I want to say, “Hello? I’ve been using this tool for a billion years now, haven’t you noticed?” But to avoid causing a ripple, I shrug and say, “I have to eat something, or I overdo it at dinner.” Then if they’re still making a face at me, I just return to eating my yogurt cup.
Using “eat before you eat” tool is a massive game-changer because it puts us in the control-seat. No longer is the gorgeous plate of lasagna and crunchy garlic bread in charge. Sorry beautiful food! Your spell over me is — poof! — gone! “Eat before you eat” and your brilliant prefrontal brain is back at the helm. ♥
Pearl Three
Sequencing is taken directly from Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT). The purpose of sequences is to help us move from reacting to circumstances to thoughtfully responding. I encourage you to do a sequence a day in your journal. Powerful stuff.
Automatic Sequence
- Situation (be very concrete): My profits from my manicure/pedicure business are going down in number vs. going up.
- Automatic Thought: Have my main clients forgotten about me?
- Feeling: Hurt and angry because you have two young daughters at home.
- Action: As each client comes in for my services, I point blank ask them why they’re not coming in as often.
- Result: Not a lot changes and I’m still mad.
Thoughtful Sequence
- Situation (be very concrete): My profits from my manicure/pedicure business are going down in number versus going up.
- Chosen thought: All of my clients are human beings with normal problems like illness, adjustment to a divorce and who knows what they’re dealing with?
- Feeling becomes: empathetic and understanding.
- Action: I begin to get serious about promoting my business. I start by putting a note on my manicure-desk, letting current clients know that I’ll treat their friends with white-glove service.
- Result: It takes time, but eventually the numbers go back to where they once were. ♥
Pearl Four
Books love us and want us to be happy
I’m just a few chapters into James by Percival L. Everett figuring 4.5 stars from 65,101 Amazon readers likely likely aren’t wrong. And turns out they weren’t.
James is the man we all know from Tom Sawyer and Huckleberry Fin.
This time Jim gets to speak. Supposed to be a great book; If you’ve already read it, let us know what you thought in the comments! ♥
Pearl Five
“Instead of looking at the past, I put myself ahead 20 years and try to look at what I need to do now in order to get there then.” —Diana Ross ♥
It’s been a crazy week and it’s only Wednesday. Good times.
♥, Wendy
You know the scoop: I’m an Amazon affiliate. If you buy from a link in my post, I’ll receive money, but the arrangement won’t cost you a dime.
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I am not an expert, doctor, surgeon, nurse, dietician, or nutritionist: the information within TheInspiredEater.com is based solely on my personal experience and is not intended to be used as a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment.
