You Don’t Need More Willpower. You Need This.

Pearl One

You’ve done the hard work. You lost the weight. You made it stick but now, in maintenance mode, you’re running on empty — and willpower alone just isn’t cutting it. Willpower fatigue is real.

In the past nobody talked about the elephant in the room — maintenance — because if one regains all the lost weight we ended up blaming ourself. Plus, nobody makes money by teaching the masses how to maintain. The only real push we got from the diet culture of old was to “be stronger,” but white-knuckling for eternity leads to burnout and nowheresville.

Here’s the truth: you don’t need more grit, more grind, or more “just say no.” What you and I need are new strategies — ones that actually work. Habits. Without them we’re like a car that doesn’t know the rules of the road. Embedded strong smart eating habits will have our backs every time.

The eating plan you originally chose will now act as the frame for your life. I essentially live on my eating plan and deviate here and there. A two-pound weight window is not enough, I encourage a four-pound weight window to keep your weight within.

Let’s talk about what really sustains a forever-maintenance after age fifty. When I lost all of my weight by my early forties, I had no idea how to maintain, I only knew those pounds weren’t coming back. Like Taylor says, “We Are Never Getting Back Together. Like, ever.”

Roll these three concepts into your maintenance life.

Number one: Build a strong maintenance go-to attitude and strengthen that attitude every chance you get, say to yourself: no way, no how am I gaining back my lost weight. Not on my watch. Hell, no and the like. And just know that working daily on what we tell ourselves is a forever thing. Nineteen years into maintenance I still hear myself say, no ma’am, that’s not for you. I live in Georgia.

Number two: Appreciate your Bambie-legs. You know how a baby grows in the mom for nine months? Well, we’ll call the pregnancy part: you and I losing the weight. Once the baby hits the light of day and the umbilical cord is cut, the baby begins her new life and that’s you and I beginning our forever-maintenance trek. Do you see that the birth is the beginning for the baby and it’s the beginning of a lifetime of maintenance

Number three: Embrace all of your feelings. Yes, you can take your moment of happiness at getting to your goal weight, but once you’re done celebrating, allow plenty of room for the inevitable fear that sets in. It’s normal to be freaked out about how to maintain because nobody told us how to maintain in our food-porn world. Food is at the center of almost everything we do. I once noted that food isn’t at church or the dog park. Everywhere else: food galore. Even the library keeps a well-stocked vending machine. Food-porn. It’s everywhere.

Maintenance isn’t just a phase — it’s a whole new life. It takes a fierce mindset, daily self-talk, and kindness for those Bambi-legged moments. Remind yourself often: Not on my watch. You’ve done the hard part—now it’s time to grow strong in your forever-trek, one steady step at a time. ♥

Pearl Two

The writing prompt pearl

• What does your personal “no way, no how” mantra sound like? Write it down, say it out loud, and describe how it makes you feel when you use it to guard your weight maintenance.
• When you catch yourself thinking in your old “diet brain”, how did you redirect yourself with a new, more supportive message?
• Write a letter from your future self—ten years into maintenance—encouraging your today-you to keep going. What does she thank you for? What does she remind you to stay strong about?
• What do you want to tell yourself on hard days?
• Finish this sentence this sentence three times: “I am not gaining the weight back because…”
• What feels shaky or wobbly in your maintenance right now (like Bambi legs)? How do you stay steady when you’re feeling unsure?
• In what ways are you stronger than you were when you first started losing weight? How have your “muscles”—mental or physical—grown?
• Write a pep talk to your “Bambi self.” Be loving and wise, like a mama deer to her fawn. What does she need to hear to keep going?

When you’re scared that you won’t end up being succeful at maintenance, what will you tell yourself? ♥

Pearl Three

Sequencing is taken directly from Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT). The purpose of sequences is to help us move from reacting to circumstances to responding. I encourage you to do a sequence a day in your journal. Powerful stuff. Apply to your own life.

Automatic Sequence:

• Situation: (be super specific like, yes that is an apple or yes he is in the hospital): Elaine doesn’t look forward to her adult step children’s visit. She knows they barely tolerate her presence and she’s afraid that her relationship with their father is being undermined.
• Knee-jerk thought: Elaine thinks that his kids won’t accept her and that it’s undermining her marriage.
• Feeling: Terrible fear and of being unwanted.
• Action: Days before they arrive Elaine cleans house like a wild woman. In a frenzy she plans Pinterest-worthy snacks and meals for dinner and breakfast the next day. Elaine is so thankful that she thought to buy a new tablecloth.
• Result: As she’s cleaning, she realizes that she’s fairly sweaty. Once the kids arrive, Elaine walks on eggshells, never feels part of the conversation and goes to bed worn out and disappointed.

Chosen Sequence

• Situation Situation:: (be super specific like, yes that is an apple or yes he is in the hospital): Elaine doesn’t look forward to her adult step children’s visit. She knows they barely tolerate her presence and she’s afraid that her relationship with their father is being undermined.
• Chosen thought: It’s natural that Paul’s children are rather cool and dismissive. The adult-kids don’t see me, Elaine, they see me as the one who married their dad. The hard feelings are just part of marrying a man with adult children. They’ll come around. It’ll take time but they’ll come around. I can do this.
• Feeling: Sadness for everyone involved. Understanding. Empathy.
• Action: In September Paul’s kids were on the calendar for a visit so Elaine planned a long weekend at a nearby spa with friends. Her intent was to give Paul’s kids time to be alone with their dad. She arrived home just as they were packing to leave. With a smile Elaine asked the room, “did you all have fun together?” She pulled Laura to the side and said, “next time you’re coming for a visit let me know if you’d like alone time with your dad. Here’s my cell number, just text me.”
• Result: Elaine’s fear floated away. She felt and acted more confident around Paul and his kids. ♥

Pearl Four

Books love and want us to be happy

I’ve written about this book once before, but I want you to see the title again. To call Virginia Hill a badass barely scratches the surface about Virginia Hill and she did for the world.

Her story, A Woman of No Importance the Untold Story of the American Spy Who Helped Win World War II by Sonia Purnell left me floored. This book is an unbelievable story in the hands of writer and researcher extraordinaire. Purnell knocks it out of the park wrote the book in such a way that you can almost feel the Gestapo just steps behind Virginia as she flees France. Only downer: the author never mention how Virginia slept at night.

Comparably my problems seem smaller. Yes, we need to honor the challenges in our own lives, but Virginia for her true heroics idn’t even receive certain medals once the war was won. Her opinion was, to paraphrase, “none of us did any of it for medals.” Virginia’s story would make an awesome Christmas gift for a young woman 13+. ♥

Pearl Five

Your body hears everything your mind says. Everything. ♥

If you enjoyed this post, I’d love it if you’d send it to your doctors/and or surgeon and of course nurses. They’ ‘d appreciate info. they could give patients. Thanks for spreading the word!

Have a beautiful week!

♥, Wendy

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I am not an expert, doctor, surgeon, nurse, dietician, or nutritionist: the information within TheInspiredEater.com is based solely on my personal experience and is not intended to be used as a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment.