Dropping our mask when we journal can bring our unconscious to life.
Pearl One
Wondering how to do the “dinner hour?” I mean, you make food and eat with your partner every evening, but now that you’re focused on losing for a lifetime you don’t know what to do about dinner. Learning how to prepare dinner for your partner or family while sticking to our smart Smart Eating Path is likely the hardest part of anyone’s day.
First a moment of therapy-talk.
“Individuation.” It’s a term most closely associated with Carl Jung (we’re switching to using Jungian therapy for this pearl versus cognitive behavioral therapy like in pearl three).
Smart Vocab
At its core, individuation means the process of becoming your unique, whole you. It’s about differentiating yourself from cultural expectations, family patterns, and unconscious influences so you can integrate all parts of your conscious and unconscious.
- Differentiation: You separate who you truly are from the identities imposed by family, culture, or society.
- Integration: You acknowledge and incorporate different parts of you, including parts you may normally hide (what Jung called the shadow).
- Wholeness: Rather than striving for “perfection,” individuation is about becoming completely accepting of your contradictions, strengths, and weaknesses.
- Lifelong Process: It unfolds in stages across our life, especially during times of change (midlife was particularly emphasized by Jung).
Let me give you an extreme example.
Michael Phelps, the greatest medal-winning swimmer in Olympic history, famously ate 8,000 to 12,000 calories a day. Dinner alone could include several plates of spaghetti, often with tomato sauce or butter; chicken, fish, or steak, sometimes in multiple servings; large sandwiches stacked with meat, cheese, and condiments; vegetables; sometimes pizza or fries; and desserts like ice cream, protein bars, or individual chocolates.
Now, imagine being his girlfriend (who later became his wife) eating dinner with Phelps. No way could she eat along with him.
We automatically get that his girlfriend needs to approach dinner differently than Phelps. (Signs of individuation: Phelps is focused on winning the Olympic gold, while his girlfriend is maintaining her weight.)
So, what does Phelps eating dinner with his girlfriend mean to you and me? Everything. The Michael Phelps dinner is a perfect symbol to keep tucked away in our heart and brought out whenever needed. Phelps and his girlfriend both knew what they wanted in life and that impacted how they ate.
But — specifically — how does it influence how we eat smart with our partner or family? Well, the more individuated we strive to become, the more deeply we understand how vital our weight-wants are to us. And knowing how important our weight-loss is to us leads to better ways of handling dinner.
Said another way, the idea of prepping and eating family dinner is still an important component of family life, but when we choose smart eating, we’re really choosing our own self. You want to arrive at the dinner table thinking, “I MATTER.”
Specifics
With individuation in mind, this is what I’ve done specifically to preserve my loss: Before I prepared dinner of any kind, I would “eat before I eat” so that I didn’t graze as I made dinner. If I was still looking longingly at the garlic bread, I knew that I had to eat more grapes, cherries or yogurt. Reining in our hunger is a “must” habit to keep in our heart always.
As I went forward, I was always aware of feeling totally dedicated to smart eating and I positively talked to myself moment by moment as I made dinner and sat down to eat with everyone.
In the earliest days, I made food for the family and a separate meal for myself (usually brown rice and the stir fry in frozen at Costco), but I’d sit down with the family. As my maintenance-life developed, I eventually learned that I could handle preparing one dinner for the family and myself. So, if they were having lasagna, I was having lasagna although I’d only eat three bites. (We don’t need a full plate of food to quell our hunger) I’d skip the bread and eat a larger salad. Remember, I wasn’t hungry to begin with because I’d eaten before I sat down.
If there’s any trick to weight loss it’s this: eat before you eat and journal-write to learn more about who you truly are ♥
Pearl Two
Our writing prompt pearl. Tip: Aim to write freely and without judgment. The goal is to have a chat with our unconscious about the patterns in our life and eventually integrate them. The goal is not to produce perfect sentences. Just let go.
Grab your journal and a good pen and check out these questions.
- What parts of yourself do you feel are ignored or purposely suppressed, and how can embracing them move you closer to becoming a whole, individuated self? (Remember that we’re never done learning new things about ourself.)
- Which roles or masks do you wear in daily life, and how might shedding one or more help you live more authentically?
- What was dinner life like when you were a kid? A teen?
- When you were young what was expected of your mom dinner-wise?
- What do you expect of yourself now?
- Do your expectations work in your favor?
- Are you more likely to tell your partner that you’re eating smart from now on? Or will you keep it private and to yourself?
- Reflect on a life-changing event (something huge). How did it shape how you see yourself? Could there be a hidden lesson your unconscious is trying to reveal?
- Have your current self and your “wise inner guide” self talk together. What advice does she give? ♥
Pearl Three
Sequencing is taken directly from Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT). The purpose of sequences is to help us move from reacting to circumstances to responding. I encourage you to do a sequence a day in your journal. Powerful stuff. Apply to your own life.
Knee-jerk Sequence
- Situation: Eleanor is 64 and new to retirement. She’s ready to travel and have fun. But then her adult son asked her to care for his two kids during the day so his wife can work.
- Knee-jerk thought: My son really needs me and I’ve always dropped everything for him and his brother.
- Feeling: Confused and sad.
- Action: Agrees to stay at house and watch her grand kids.
- Results: She vacillates between loving her grand kids to feeling put-upon because her son made the request.
Chosen Sequence
- Situation: Eleanor is 64 and new to retirement. She’s ready to travel and have fun. Then her adult son asked her to care for his two kids during the day so his wife can work.
- Chosen thought: It appears that I’ve done a little too much coddling of my boys. Family-life really matters of course, but I’ve worked hard all my life and I want to travel with my friends.
- Action: Eleanor sits down with her son and his wife and outlines how this arrangement of her watching the kids will work. She tells them what she’s willing to do.
- Result: In October, she’s cruising with friends to Italy. ♥
Pearl Four
I am halfway through The Names by Florence Knapp and it’s a can’t-put-down read. Florence Knapp’s clever story about how a single choice shapes a life grabbed me from page one.. No surprise it’s now on the bestseller list and is being translated into twenty languages.
Trigger warning: The Names doesn’t get gruesome at all, but there’s short references to both emotional and physical abuse.
The Names is absolutely a five-star book-dessert. ♥
Pearl Five
Never underestimate the power you have to take your life in a new direction.” — Germany Kent ♥
Welcome to September! This is what I call the “season of many shoes” because one day might mean sandals while another day might be cold enough for boots.
And if you enjoyed this post, please send it to a friend!
♥, Wendy
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I am not an expert, doctor, surgeon, nurse, dietician, or nutritionist: the information within TheInspiredEater.com is based solely on my personal experience and is not intended to be used as a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment.
