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Gorgeous Falls

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Jillian Michaels. You might remember Jillian as one of the coaches on shows like the Biggest Loser. Her back-story is a great one. (She attributes some of her food issues with wanting to hang out with her dad who was also overweight and they “bonded over food.”)

David Goggins. Author of Can’t Hurt Me: Master Your Mind and Defy the Odds. Same thing: awesome origin story.

Each started young-adulthood at a much heavier weight than they wanted to be, and both were living the sedentary lifestyle.

So Michaels and Goggins lost a lot of weight years ago and completed their amazing transformation by becoming total hard-bodies.

Okay.

I love a great rag-to-riches Cinderella story as much as anyone. They can be so inspirational. We think, “if they can make it, then I can too!” Because one day our prince really will come.”

We’re certain of it.

But princes don’t really materialize in real life. No matter how in awe we are about super successful people, there’s something in the back of our mind that won’t stop nudging: I’m not like them. I could never work out at such an elite level or eat so precisely.

Jillian Michaels and David Goggins are practically immortal. Like aliens from another planet they created amazing lives for themselves, but — to me — they’re on an extreme side of the spectrum. Their stories are spectacular for books and TV shows, but they don’t really have anything in common with me.

Truth.

I will never be a hard-body. When I was initially losing weight, I just wanted to figure out why food was so hard for me and then I wanted to change my eating habits. I was tired of the whole diet-cartel shebang. It’s like one day, my prefrontal saw what my cavewoman was doing — eating everything in sight — and said, “Nope, we won’t be doing that anymore. Hope you had fun because it’s over.”

Here’s my point: Unlike Michaels and Goggins, I’m a regular person. Yes, I lost the weight and have preserved my loss for 18 years now, but I merely stumbled onto a set of skills and mindsets. And these are skills that can be learned. I wouldn’t say that learning how to live on The Smart Eating Path is like learning to fix a flat tire, but it’s in that vein. I look at our work as if we’re in a PhD program of learning the smart eating tools, habits and mindsets that we’ll keep for life.

Michaels and Goggins’ are wonderful examples of what a humng is capable of.

But me?  I’ll always be your average marshmallow-human.

So – underlined in red – I am not Michaels or Goggins.

I’m you.

And we’ve got this.

Remember the commercial: I could have had a V-8! This list is our V-8 commercial.

After I grocery shop, I make a list of everything I bought so that when I’m hungry, I don’t make mac ‘n cheese type choices.

 My list includes: most fruit but especially red grapes and strawberries. Already to-go hard-boiled eggs and the kind of bread I love from Trader Joe’s, everything to make a smoothie, hummus for baby carrots into, yogurts and so forth.

Sequencing is taken directly from Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT). The purpose of sequences is to help us move from reacting to circumstances to responding. I encourage you to do a sequence a day in your journal. Powerful stuff.

  • Situation (something very concrete): I’m not losing weight at the clip I assumed at all.
  • Thought: THIS IS TAKING TOO LONG!!
  • Feeling: Angry, sad, despondent.
  • Action: Pulls on sweatpants.
  • Result: I go a little crazy with food for the next few months.
  • Situation (something very concrete): I’m not losing weight at the clip I assumed at all.
  • Chosen thought: I’m remembering that this is the moment that I genuinely want to have compassion for myself. I remind me that we all live in a food-porn world. It’s understandable that I’m really mad, and i also know that i need to look for ideas and support in my journal.
  • Feeling: I shift from being annoyed to determined.
  • Action: I write in my journal about what’s going on.
  • Result: Turns out, there’s a lot going on beneath a scale number. I wrote and wrote and wrote. I figured out the hardest time in my eating day and I’m putting “the hardest time” under a microscope to figure out what’s going on with me.

I’m just getting into one of my most favorite author’s book A History of Loneliness: A Novel by John Boyne. If you haven’t yet met Boyne and his exceptional storytelling prowess, you’re in for a treat. I think my favorite of all is The Heart’s Invisible Furies: A Novel.

I’m now just dipping into A History of Loneliness: A Novel. So far it’s typical Boynes. Don’t miss Boynes’ books. He’s one of those rare writers who produces masterpieces. Total book-dessert and then some.

Too often, we fall into an all-or-nothing cycle with our habits. The problem is not slipping up; the problem is thinking that if you can’t do something perfectly, then you shouldn’t do it at all.” ― James Clear, Atomic Habits.

Please join me this week in being imperfect and going for it anyhow.

And if you’ve enjoyed this post please to a friend!

Sounds so simple: just nail down your why and you’re to go! But it’s so much more complex than that. When you’re feeling good, get cozy with your journal and begin asking yourself strong question like “why do I want to lose weight for a lifetime? Why now? Why does this trek (losing weight after 50) even matter to me?”

Continue by asking, “what has been the easiest skill to adopt: eat before you eat, book-dessert, food track and so forth What has been the hardest?”

When you journal-write you’re essentially asking your prefrontal brain for information-slash-wisdom. Something is happening inside of you at this very moment that is fueling your willingness to try a new way of losing weight and preserving the loss for the long run. What’s happening inside of you?

You and I are not in kindergarten or even high school. We’re in a PhD program going for the gold even as we’re swimming against the tide (our world littered in food-porn as far as the eye can see).

What’s a time when you had a solid why and scored? Having a strong why muscle in place and tending to it daily is the very essence of what a forever weight loss is all about.

A dear friend loves horses. She doesn’t have her own, but arranged a rock star deal for herself and her girls with a nearby horse barn. The three could ride for free if my friend cleaned the individual stalls once a week. She fell in love with the horses and the agreement.

All was well until her husband was offered a job in England. They’d lived in England once before and loved it. She was 100 percent onboard; her attitude was I’ll pack the house tonight and be ready to roll by morning.

But wait, what about her darling horses in North Carolina? She was very attached to them and not being with her darlings broke her heart. But she’d known this day was coming, even if it came faster than she’d expected.

Spoiler: she now lives with her husband and girls in England.  

You can see my friend’s why: she loved life in England and always knew that she’d eventually have to say goodby to the horses. She had a why that fueled her through the sad moments of leaving North Carolina, U.S. and starting a new chapter of life in the UK.

We have whys behind every single thing we do, but we just don’t look it that way. Trust me, there’s a why behind cleaning the toilets in my home, behind gassing up the car, choosing one dress over another at the boutique and so forth. Whys are behind everything we do.

This Matterhorn-trek we’re on (losing after 50) is challenging enough on its own. With your why firmly in place, meta-watch yourself hurtle the obstacles.

I’m hearing from a lot of you guys that you’re burning out on this idea of losing weight through establishing specific habits and mind-sets. I hear you, I really do.

If you’ve reached your preferred weight and find yourself gaining, your smart eating habits need serious strengthening. The bare bones truth: we can’t gain if our smart eating habits are in place. We’re not living the yo-yo life of the last century. We’re changing how we engage with food and consciously taking food from “good times” and soothing comfort to 95-percent fuel.

Sequencing is taken directly from Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT). The purpose of sequences is to help us move from reacting to circumstances to responding. I encourage you to do a sequence a day in your journal. Powerful stuff.

This scenario happened a few years ago to a friend. I’m writing as if I’m her.

  • Situation (something concrete): My therapist is moving to another state (they didn’t Zoom back then).
  • Chosen thought: I’ve been seeing my therapist for three years now. I wonder how it would feel to go-it alone for a few months or even years?
  • Feeling: Still annoyed that she’s leaving, scared of having this important therapist out of my life. Curious about how it would feel to not have this twice a month support.
  • Action: I sit down one evening when my house is empty and give the matter a lot of thought. Then I write in my journal. Rather than being reactive, I want to be responsive for the the relationship I had with my therapist, especially for my own healing.
  • Result: I still didn’t want to do a full goodbye in person, but I wrote her a long letter while she was still in town about how I felt about her moving away.

I really love memoirs because I joke that I’m nosy, but the truth is that I want to see the details of their lives and how they rose from the ashes.

Today’s memoir — like last week’s book-dessert by Penny Marshall (which rocked) — starts off with our heroine being invited to lunch by Oprah at her Montecito, CA home. It’s a fantastic opening to a really well written memoir. It’s so amazing to me how some people are able to pull themselves out of the muck of their childhood. This is me: loving the person you are today by Chrissy Metz. A great book-dessert. 

Failure happens all the time. It happens every single day in practice. What makes you better is how you react to it.” – Mia Hamm

Have a beautiful first week of September!