As a young person, I had zero confidence. Back in the 80s I would never mumble what seemed to be true: that working out didn’t appear to work in terms of losing weight. I’d been a Jane Fonda, Jazzercise, and Lilias, Yoga and You woman for years.

None impacted my weight.

Being shy, I wouldn’t share my thoughts about fitness losing weight. I just figured I was doing it wrong.

As far as I could tell, the only activity that made a dent in my weight was cutting back on calories. Today, this idea has hit the streets as fairly common knowledge.

Don’t get me wrong, working out like a SEALs team member, Michael Phelps, or Jillian Michaels definitely equals weight loss. However, the thirty minute walk or yoga class most of us take isn’t going to result in a scale trending downward.

Fast-forward to today. It doesn’t seem like word has reached the “experts” on smart eating, and it’s not only about calories-in, calories-out either. The powers-that-be are also misguided in thinking that skipping breakfast when using the intermittent fasting plan is a great idea, but is not.

When people are using the intermittent fasting plan, they’re often ‘eating whatever they want’ during their open window for meals. In doing so, they’re not developing the foundational new habits they need to maintain a weight loss forever (versus yo-yo-ing). Creating — and maintaining — strong habits is the backbone of forever-losing.

For the last year I’ve used myself as a guinea-pig to test that type of eating that I now think works well: eating like a king for breakfast, a princess for lunch, and a pauper for dinner.

At first I was reluctant to try this eating plan. I’ve kept 55 off for 16 years now, and I didn’t want to tinker with what wasn’t broken. At the same time, I wanted to see if the Royal Eating Plan (REP) would work. (Btw, I didn’t make this plan up, it’s been around for over 100 centuries.)

Take a look:

My King-Sized Breakfast.

Yesterday’s breakfast was one bagel with a generous smear of whipped cream cheese. Calories: 200 in the bagel, 70 in two tablespoons of cream cheese and I probably had three or four tablespoons. (I’m not a fan of bagels, but there wasn’t much food in the house. Very unusual for me: I believe in having your “food tools” always on-hand.)

A large handful of unsalted nuts. Calories: 190 for ¼ cup. I had at least a half-cup.

Two Madeleine cookies. Calories: 150 for two with seven grams of fat.

I would have had orange juice, but we were out.

For someone maintaining a 55-pound loss, that’s a big breakfast, right? But I created two hard and fast rules for myself: (1) breakfast had to be over by 9 a.m. and

(2)nI could never eat so much at breakfast that I wouldn’t be ready for lunch at noon or 1:00 p.m.

My Princess Lunch

I “lunch like a princess” from about noon to 4:00 meaning I’ll have two light meals.

Around 12:30 p.m. I had the oatmeal bowl that I’ve eaten every day for two decades while listening to my favorite podcast. (Half-cup dried oatmeal cooked, one cup blueberries, half cut up Honeycrisp, all topped in a quarter cup of my favorite yogurt. Vanilla, low-fat, Kroger) Good food, great episode, a relaxing moment in my day.

Around 2:00 I had a half-cup cottage cheese (I’m into cottage cheese at the moment).

At 4:00 I had a small Chobani yogurt (love coconut).

My Pauper’s Dinner

Dinner was a veggie and brown rice bowl that I make (with 1/2 cup cooked brown rice). If I’m eating with my family I have a tiny portion of the lasagna or whatever. (I  don’t have seconds of food and I always Eat Before I Eat when I’m with others so I don’t come to the table truly hungry.) I finish dinner by 6:30 p.m. at the very latest. (Six is better.)

When it’s bedtime, if I’m a tad hungry I’ll have 1/3 of a banana, half an apple or something similar; but whatever food I have, it’s tiny. (I never go to sleep hungry, but I don’t feel full either.)

Our Tummies Respond

I know you know, but it bears repeating. The less we eat, the more it becomes the “new normal” for tummy. It works the other way too: if we eat a lot, our stomach thinks that’s the new normal.

It really is just that simple, and yet I know that it takes time and conscious effort to transition to a large breakfast, moderate lunch, and light dinner.

Remember my favorite study out of England? It concluded that it takes 66 days of a particular behavior to turn the behavior into a solid habit. Keep a running “one sentence” journal each day of the 66 days you use the Royal Eating Plan. Writing about the behavior we want to embed strengthens our engagement with the new behavior. (I keep my journals on OneNote.)

And yes, I still use my eating structure (WW in my case) with the Royal Eating Plan, but I only count my large breakfasts as two to four points. In other words I factor in the calories to some extent, but not much because our bodies just don’t hold onto morning calories for whatever reason.

My thought: put sticky notes throughout your life to remind yourself of the habits you’re creating for yourself.

Also write stickies reminding yourself that you can save the brownies that everyone else is eating in the evening to have at breakfast with your morning coffee. I do this exact thing all the time so I don’t feel left out of having “fun” food.

Don’t be hard on yourself, it takes time to establish the habit of saving an evening dessert for the morning, but the results will convince you.

Having my Brownies & Eating Them Too

What I’ve come to love about breakfasting like a king is that I don’t feel constant deprivation as in — poor me — I can’t have anything porn-ish ever again because I’m over 50 and way past menopause. But with the REP I still score fun food, the time of day I have the treat is the only difference from everyone else.

When I first realized that a large breakfast was pretty close to a calorie-free meal I went a little bonkers. I was like, get out!! Are you saying that I can have those shortbread cookies The Scarfer always buys at Trader Joe’s? (It’s fine, he beams at his nickname.)

I can have graham crackers with peanut butter (tastier than it sounds) and even those brown sugar packet oatmeal things that I never get anymore? What dream world had I stepped into?! (Of course keeping in mind that I always adhere to my two rules: (1) stop breakfast by 9 a.m. and (2) don’t eat so much that I won’t be hungry for lunch.)

Here’s the weird thing, after eating on the REP for about two years the novelty of breakfast treats has worn off.

I’m not kidding. Wore off.

These days I have a handful (or more) of nuts in the morning (tasty and good for our hearts), maybe a small spoonful of peanut butter, and often my green smoothie that’s filling. But if the family had something food-pornish the night before, I’ll eat mine at breakfast.

Try the Royal Eating Plan for eight weeks and see how well it works. The bottom line (no pun) results in my life: I’m currently at the middle range of my four-pound weight window.

Want more info on this life altering eating style? Check out these two articles.

ScienceDaily: Eating dinner early, or skipping it, may be effective in fighting body fat.

NIH (National Institute of Health: Timing of Breakfast, Lunch, and Dinner. Effects on Obesity and Metabolic Risk.

As always, I love getting questions in the comment section below or email me at Wendy@TheInspiredEater.com.

And please always remember: it’s not your imagination. Health is hard.

♥, Wendy

P.S. Are you new to the Inspired Eater? Welcome!! This blog won’t make much sense until you first read the Aunt Bea post (and you’ll find Aunt Bea on this page to the right under my short bio). On your cell you’ll see it immediately following the first post. After you enter your email address, the Aunt Bea article will be sent to your email’s inbox. If it’s not there, you might check the spam folder. And always feel free to email me at Wendy@TheInspiredEater.com and I’ll get Aunt Bea right to you!

You know the scoop: I’m an Amazon affiliate. If you buy from a link in my post, I’ll receive money, but the arrangement won’t cost you a dime.

I am not an expert, a doctor, a surgeon, a nurse or a nutritionist: the information within TheInspiredEater.com is based solely on my personal experience and is not intended to be used as a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. ♥

Welcome to a new section called: Q & A!! If the question’s been asked, it’s likely that all of us are struggling with the same problem. Let’s share and raise our Jedi mind trick knowledge together.

I’d love it if you’d ask questions in the comment section below and — if you’re okay with it, no names of course — I’ll include your thoughts in a future post. (Or email me at Wendy@TheInspiredEater.com!)

I’m Smart. Why Can’t I Make It Work?!

A reader writes:

I’m not sure what I’m doing wrong. I’ve done all the “head work” related to my eating/food issues and can clearly mark the problem areas and even how to fix them. So – if I know where the problems are and what to do – why aren’t I losing?

My response:

It took many years for me to truly connect that eating several brownies starts with a (rogue) thought in my brain. Let me give you an example. Say my company is downsizing and I’m laid off. I then have a thought about being let go. From this one situation, there are many responses:

• First the thought: Omg. My husband is out of work. We’ll lose the house! Then the feeling: fear.
• Thought: Wow. I’ve wanted to start an e-business forever. Looks like now’s the time. Feeling: apprehensive, but excited.
• Thought: Awesome! We’ve been talking about moving to a new state for ages. Adventure: here we come! Feeling: thrilled.

After having our feeling (fear, excited, thrilled) we then kick into action. Most of us — on this site – feel a feeling and overeat. It might be stress-eating or what I call the 3Es: every-emotion-eating.

One more example.

A young woman has been 30 pounds over her preferred weight since middle school. She often tells friends, “No matter what I do, I can’t lose. The weight will not budge.”

Our young woman gets engaged and drops thirty to fit into her dress.

Nothing changed.

Except everything changed: her thinking.

Losing and maintaining always begins in our brain. Every poor food choice starts in our synapses. Once you make this internal shift, you’ll approach weight loss in an entirely new way.

The diet industry has done a number on our culture. They’ve long framed weight loss as a food or a willpower or a “Just Do It” kind of thing.

It’s not.

It’s much bigger: it’s a thinking thing. ♥

Happy early July everyone!

And remember, it is NOT your imagination. Heath is hard.

♥, Wendy

Here we go again, I thought.

Saturday morning I was online ordering library books when I came across yet another weight loss book enthusing, “How I lost a bazillion pounds easily onto to find everlasting peace and happiness.”

The book’s jacket added something like, “The amazing part is how effortless it is to keep the weight off once I embraced”. . .  something.

I ordered the book to find out what she embraced.

I’ll report back.

Effortless! Easy! Painless! Fast! Intuit Eat! Simple!

Diet books promise the moon and stars, and when we don’t even make lift-off blame us for the system failure. Because it’s Effortless! Easy! It’s and painless! It must be you if you can’t make this amazing plan work.

Nobody told the diet gurus that spectacular results that last take time and are hard-won. Nothing truly incredible is fast or easy. At least on this planet.

Most diet books focus only on behaviors: i.e. what we put in our mouths. Eat this, not that. This food good, that food bad. Give up sugar, caffeine, dairy, alcohol, anything white, and anything grain-ish.

In fact, consider becoming a breath-etarian because consuming only air for three to ten days is the latest. (And don’t forget, fasting is effortless, easy, and painless!)

But here’s the irony: using any quick-fix plan eventually drives us to eat with abandon. As in, eat strict, throw strict plan out the window, eat kitchen.

The old yo-yo diet lives.

Which is why I was thrilled to find The Elephant in the Room: One Fat Man’s Quest to Get Smaller in a Growing America by Tommy Tomlinson.

Tommy’s life story actually matches laws that govern reality. He doesn’t tell us that losing weight is effortless, easy or painless. In fact, quite the opposite.

Tommy details how his loving parents would sit up nights worrying about how to help their boy, how he broke his promise to his bride when he said, “I’ll get this figured out”, and how people his size don’t generally make it to 60.

He shares the mortification and loneliness he endured daily at being a heavy kid (because school), the fun of overeating as a teen thanks to two part-time jobs, and the horror of hitting the floor as an adult because chairs (plural) broke beneath him.

I’m paraphrasing, but Tommy tells the unvarnished truth: that being fat is life-altering in the worst sense, and that losing is such a formidable foe as to mostly seem impossible.

Tommy is brave. He tells the truth about food addiction and weight loss.

His story screams that losing weight is grueling.

I tend to think of losing weight as being akin to giving up cigarettes, alcohol or drugs. Maybe the physical component isn’t the same, but the psychological pull sure is.

Nobody tells smokers that it can be effortless to give up cigarettes. And who would tell an alcoholic or drug user that it can be easy and painless to give up drinking and self-medicating?

When our culture consistently denies the massive difficulty of weight loss, those of us trying to lose are set up for failure. This should be simple, we think.

Thing i, you and I can lead the way. First, we need to acknowledge to ourselves how uphill the weight loss path is to walk. Then we need to tell our fellow earthlings.

Yes, losing is monumentally hard (and maintaining isn’t exactly a picnic either).

But here’s the bare-bones truth: You and I can do hard things.

Have a wonderful week everyone.

And remember, it’s not your imagination. Health is hard!

♥ Wendy

Some links may be affiliate links and as an Amazon Associate, I may earn from qualifying purchases. I will be totally upfront with you re: sponsorships or items given to me and disclose everything in the post.

I hadn’t seen Jen in months, but the stars aligned and our families had a get-together. When Jen’s crew arrived I hugged her saying, “Mmm, you smell like hotel-shower-gel.”

She pulled back asking, “Are you telling me that I smell like cheap hotel soap?!”

Startled, I moved on to hug her daughter.

But I caught my son saying, “Mama travel-writes so we stay in nice hotels. She’s saying you smell really good.”

He was right, of course, and I appreciated his accessing the situation and speaking up. Because in a bazillion years I would never tell a friend that she smelled bad.

Later, giving the exchange more thought I realized that Jen had assumed I was being insulting because that’s how she talks to herself. (I’ve known her forever, but hadn’t known that her self-abusive voice was still alive and well.)

Self-Talk 101.

Self-talk. If we only interacted with ourselves like once a year, self-talk wouldn’t be a thing. But since we room with ourselves 365/24/7, self-talk plays a monumental role in all areas of our lives, but especially when we’re losing after 50.

Self-talk is an umbrella term for the many ways we engage with ourselves.

Take a look.

Your own built-in motivational coach.

Who wouldn’t want her very own internal coach?

Well, amazing news: you have one. But you first need to gain her trust, slowly coax her to the forefront of your mind and give her a voice.

Start by not dismissing her outright:

• If she says you’re brilliant? For once, go with it.
• If she tells you have all the right skills and that it’s time to dream bigger? Don’t tell her that she’s full of sugar. Believe her.
• When she tells you that you’re pretty cute? Smile and say thank you.

Then journal-write about the two of you:

• Why does smart eating matter so much to you? Peel back that onion and go deeper and deeper as you write about why being at a lower weight has significance for you.
• What are the five accomplishments in your life that you’re most proud of? List them and then whittle each down to one word so that you can count them on one hand. Give this job to your motivational coach: she’ll help you make a habit of counting your Top Fives twice every single day.
• What do you want to give September-you re: smart eating this summer? What would you like September-you to have as she heads into the fall?
• How can your motivational coach support you throughout the summer and pump you up for the – inevitable — difficult moments? I could most use her help with . . .

Your own built-in soothing coach.

Thing is, most of know our internal mean girl pretty well. We know we have one, that’s for sure. We know she’s a jerk. But it’s also important to know what motivates her.

Journal-write to these prompts:

Your own built-in reframing coach.

Reframing helped me big time this week. My dog turned 10 and my initial thought was, just great. We’re into the “scary senior years.” Health issues, vet bills etc.

After journaling about River’s age, it occurred to me that I was allowing “the scary senior years” thought-loop to occupy real estate in my mind. Worse, the loop didn’t help me or River at all.

So I changed my thought-loop to, I have the opportunity to make River’s senior years as spectacular as I can. Today this positive thought loops through my mind helping both River and me.

Journal prompts to activate your own reframing coach:

• What are your three least helpful thought-loops you seemingly embrace about smart eating?
• How can you turn each negative loop into a more helpful loop?
• Write about a time(s) when you reframed a situation to your benefit.
• What are ways you can invite reframing into your life?

Bottom line, I’m a firm believer in the slower, the better (Seth Godin calls it “taking the long cut”). When we take the long-cut we’re giving ourselves the necessary time needed to fully internalize a new internal coach.

So instead of working on all three internal voices at once, pick which coaching-voice feels like the best one to start with. I’m beginning with my motivational coach and turning up her volume.

I’d love it if you’d leave a comment in the section below. And if you liked this post I would love it if you’d share this link with a friend or family member: The Inspired Eater.com.

A billion thank yous!!

And remember, it’s not your imagination. Health is hard.

Have a pumped up, exciting week everyone!

♥, Wendy

p.s. I would love it if you’d share this link (the Inspired Eater home page) with someone in your life who is searching for a better way to eat smart and lose. A million thank yous!

Some links may be affiliate links and as an Amazon Associate, I may earn from qualifying purchases. I will be totally upfront with you re: sponsorships or items given to me and disclose everything in the post.

“You might as well lose the weight now,” my mom often told me when I was a tween, “It gets much harder when you’re older.”

Okay, a) it’s normal for many of us to go through the puppy-years of carrying extra weight before sprouting to a full height.

And b) my mom’s common thought about losing weight is not how it worked for me. I needed to mature — oh, did I need to mature — to figure out how to navigate my emotions versus eating when I experienced any feeling: good or bad.

As a kid, I didn’t know certain truisms like, fast food is designed to not fill us up. And that I didn’t have the ability (or the bucks) to find a good therapist to help me manage my emotional world. And I was way, way too young to use – what I call – the six superpowers, or pillars, of weight loss after age 50.

At about the age of 32 I finally began to connect my abysmal eating habits with the health problems I was having.

One time? (Omg, this is embarrassing.) I was running in my garage to grab a ringing telephone and fell. On my foot. Putting myself in a cast and on crutches for weeks. I was at my heaviest at the time and I’ve always wondered if being lighter would have changed the equation.

Dropping on my foot along with other not-fun situations motivated me to make real change. But please don’t think I’m espousing willpower. I never used it to lose fifty-five.

These six pillars are what I leaned on.

The Six Pillars of Weight Loss after Age 50

I think of weight loss after 50 – and forever maintenance – as having six superpowers or pillars. I’ll touch on each here, and write more on them in the coming weeks.

One – Eating Plan

I call it an eating plan. Some say protocol. You might call it a structure. Whatever its name, it’s creating boundaries for ourselves is critical for long term success. The idea is to pick one eating plan that you can live with forever.

According to the U.S. News & World Report in the article, “Best Diets Overall,” they include these top winners.

• Mediterranean diet
• DASH diet
• Flexitarian diet
• MIND diet
• Mayo Clinic diet
• TLC diet
• Volumetric diet
• WW diet

Choose an eating plan with your doctor, and pick one that you can live with for a lifetime. The diet industry presents a new diet of some kind of every three or fours years. It doesn’t help you or me to change how we engage with our food. Pick one plan and commit.

Two – Planning

The role of planning in our lives is like having a Rachel or Monica with us daily, it’s that good of a friend. If my antennae pick up an eating-moment challenge, my planning skills go into action.

Before eating in a restaurant, I check out the online menu for dishes that won’t completely obliterate my smart eating. (People can say this is an obsessive behavior, but those with allergies, or are vegan check menus before dining out all the time.)

If it’s a BBQ in the backyard, I might bring a whole wheat bun. Bottom line: I plan for every event and I never arrive hungry. That’s what apples with peanut butter are for.

Three – Exceptional Habits

Someone wise once said, “We’re not human beings, we’re habit beings.” Have you ever tried to go to bed without brushing your teeth? Can’t be done.

Habits come to my rescue every day of the year. Last month I was in a meeting that went way over time and I was hungry. Did I stop on the way home for an order of fries? Never, I always carry healthy tide-me-overs in my purse or a cold-tote bag.

Another example, recently we had a minor family emergency that decimated the quiet breakfast I’d planned. So I grabbed a handful of mixed nuts and a banana, and was good for the morning.

If you haven’t yet read these two books on habits, read these two books. They’re the gold standard for incorporating rock star habits into our lives.

• The Power of Habit by Charles Duhigg
• Atomic Habits by James Clear.

Four – Offensive Living

We can agree that losing after age 50 is so incredibly rigorous as to often feel impossible (thankfully it’s not).

But good news, living offensively is one of the pillars that I developed to give myself every advantage. If you played a sport you know that being on the offensive means engaging an opposing team with a solid plan.

Living on the offensive is knowing that:

• Grocery stores are constructed to manipulate us into buying endless food-porn.
• Restaurant food is super delicious because they use ingredients that you and I wouldn’t cook with in a million years. Plus portions are mammoth and nutrition is largely AWAL.
• Always remembering to stay ahead of the fact that our health and our weights are being impacted by a culture that’s gone completely off the rails re: food.

Ultimately offensive-living is about feeling confident in our ability to impact the food scene and not allow the food scene to impact us.

Five – Journal-Writing

Exploring our inner world through journal-writing is like having a magical portal to our own wisdom. As a young person I only used journals to vent. Sadly it didn’t dawn on me to ask myself quality questions, and encourage myself to write the answers.

Today, I journal-write daily. The jewels that spill forth never cease to wow me. Commit to daily journal-writing for a week.

You’ll see.

Six – Self-Talk

Had I talked cruelly to myself over the years, I never would have lost weight and maintained. I’d likely still be on the yo-yo plan.

Let’s say you regularly tell yourself: I was a heavy kid, a heavy teen, and heavy young adult, and I’m headed towards a heavy old age. It’s hopeless.

Chilling our inner-Eeyore is not easy, so begin by journal-writing about what’s called a bridge-thought.

In this case, a great bridge-thought would be, sure I was heavy in my past, but I’m forging a new future for myself. I don’t exactly see the light yet, but I see glimmers. (Whittle the thought down to “forging” and “glimmers.”)

Then when you’re ready, your new thought can morph to: I am engaging with food in a healthy new way. Sometimes I slip, but I’m cool because that’s just part of this game. I’ve got this. (Whittle to “I’ve got this.”)

And if you’re wondering where reframing fits in, I put it in self-talk. More on great reframing in future posts.

In conclusion, I encourage you to pick one superpower and really work it into the fabric of your being before moving onto the next.

Have a wonderful week everyone! Please comment below: which superpower will be your first?

And remember it’s not your imagination. Health is hard.

♥ Wendy

P.S. Are you new to the Inspired Eater? Welcome!! This blog won’t make much sense until you first read the Aunt Bea post (and you’ll find Aunt Bea on this page to the right under my short bio). On your cell you’ll see it immediately following the first post. After you enter your email address, the Aunt Bea article will be sent to your email’s inbox. If it’s not there, you might check the spam folder. And always feel free to email me at Wendy@TheInspiredEater.com and I’ll get Aunt Bea right to you!

You know the scoop: I’m an Amazon affiliate. If you buy from a link in my post, I’ll receive money, but the arrangement won’t cost you a dime.

I am not an expert, a doctor, a surgeon, a nurse or a nutritionist: the information within TheInspiredEater.com is based solely on my personal experience and is not intended to be used as a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. ♥

Photo by Bruce Christianson for Unsplash

“Two plus two equals four is the same at Harvard as it is at our community college,” I told my two teens as I helped them apply to their local JC (they started a bit early so I was still on mom-duty).

Truth is, while my husband and I had saved, we had not amassed the fortune required for a renowned university, and while one kid didn’t care, the other one sure did.

But with the simple math reframe, both boys were onboard for our local college.

Cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT) is a long name for how what we think affects how we feel.

In a nutshell, something concrete is happening (the situation), we have a thought about the concrete thing and then we have a feeling about that thought.

An Amazing Superpower.

Say cognitive-behavioral therapy and most think of Pavlov and his salivating dogs, but you and I actually use CBT in our day-to-day lives without realizing it.

Take a look at this situation that most of us find ourselves in every year:

• Concrete circumstance: a pool-lover looks at her calendar and sees that summer is coming in three months.
• Her thought: “I never lost my December-pounds and I haven’t bought a new bathing suit in years.”
• Her feelings about the thought: Dismal, hopeless, angry at self.
• Her behavior: She continues to eat a soothing bowl of ice cream every evening.

Or the situation could roll this way:

• Concrete circumstance: a pool-lover looks at her calendar and sees that summer is coming in three months.
• Her thought: “Never lost the December weight. I’m getting on it now. I want to feel great in my new bathing suit. I can’t wait for summer.”
• Her feelings about the thought: She feels excited and charged.
• Her behavior about her feelings: She stays committed to her smart eating plan and starts shopping for a new suit.

Same circumstances: summer is coming. But do you see how both women look at summer differently? One woman is melancholy while the other is raring for the summer challenge. And their thoughts affect their feelings that then affect their behavior.

Affordable Therapy that Works.

Journal-writing with an emphasis on CBT is the most powerful way I’ve found in my 56 years to unlock how we’re thinking and feeling about a situation in our lives.

Over time, I’ve been astounded at the ideas, suggestions, and insight that have appeared — seemingly out of the blue — when I write about my challenges versus merely think about them.

If you want a place to start with journal-writing, I’ve used these awesome questions as a springboard:

• How do I engage in all or nothing thinking involving my body and food?
• What is my gateway set of foods?
• How can I remove gateway foods from my life (for now)?
• What can I do for future-me this week? This month?
• What skills do I need to put into place for a slow, healthy weight loss?
• How do I talk to myself about food — both smart food and junk food?
• What activity provides sheer happiness for me? (Even if it only happened once a billion years ago, include it!)

Losing 55 pounds and then maintaining the loss over 15 years – as I write – took a serious change in my thinking.

And journal-writing was the vehicle to change.

The Wendy who lived with the extra weight wasn’t the Wendy who took the weight off.

And the Wendy who maintains the loss is also somewhat different from the Wendy who lost the weight in the first place.

My point is that I started using my mind to work in my favor rather than against me.

This skill takes time.

Root out ingrained thoughts that are sabotaging your chances for success and replace them with authentic optimism. I’m not suggesting you be Pollyanna, but reigning in an Eeyore-tendency is a phenomenal idea.

Here are some thoughts that I changed to lose weight and keep it off:

• Unhelpful thought: I’ve been trying to lose weight since I was in the third grade. Nothing I do works.
• Supportive thought: I’m older and wiser and – whether I lose weight or not – I’m living a smart eating lifestyle. Always talk in the present, so rather than “I wish I could live a smart eating lifestyle,” I am living a smart eating lifestyle.

• Unhelpful thought: Skinny people are another breed. They’re so lucky; they must have a better metabolism.
• Supportive thought: Instead of overgeneralizing to others, I’m going to focus only on me, and I’m stopping overeating until my stomach hurts. I’ll eat until I’m moderately full and then stop.

• Unhelpful thought: I’ve had a rough year. Food is my escape.
• Supportive thought: Yes, I’ve had a rough time, and I know there are ways to support myself and enjoy life without involving junk food. Like, I’ve always wanted to kayak. And lately I’ve heard that e-bikes are incredibly fun.

It’s scary to change. Remember that as you go forward you’ll need to consistently say to yourself, “I’ll still be me although I’m becoming a better version of me. (Seriously, even positive change can create a negative feeling.) Tell yourself often, “it’s okay to change, nothing bad will happen that I can’t handle.)

What are some unhelpful thoughts that you’ve changed?

And remember: it’s not your imagination, health is hard!

♥, Wendy      

P.S. Are you new to the Inspired Eater? Welcome!! This blog won’t make much sense until you first read the Aunt Bea post (and you’ll find Aunt Bea on this page to the right under my short bio). On your cell you’ll see it immediately following the first post. After you enter your email address, the Aunt Bea article will be sent to your email’s inbox. If it’s not there, you might check the spam folder. And always feel free to email me at Wendy@TheInspiredEater.com and I’ll get Aunt Bea right to you!

You know the scoop: I am an Amazon affiliate so if you buy something through a link at this site, I may receive a small commission that won’t impact your price at all.

I am not an expert, a doctor, a surgeon, a nurse or a nutritionist: the information within TheInspiredEater.com is based solely on my personal experience and is not intended to be used as a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. ♥

Stunning gown and photo by AnastasiiaMokko

In the earliest part of the twentieth century and a New York Times article read, “(It) might be assumed that the flying machine which will really fly might be evolved (by the people in) one to ten million years.”

Eight days later the Wright Brothers lift-off at Kitty Hawk, North Carolina.

A Cinderella story comes to life when a single mom – living on government assistance – rides train, conceives story and devotes six years to writing her first book. The author receives a dozen rejections until one publisher’s eight-year-old daughter inhales the first chapter and begs her dad for more.

And J.K. Rowling is born.

A young woman raised in an extremest-version of a Mormon home with two parents who “homeschool” the kids so ineptly (i.e. not at all) that the author takes matters into her own hands. She educates herself, enters college, and eventually earns a PhD at Cambridge.

Tara Westover’s first book, Educated, sells more than four million copies, spends two years on the New York Times bestseller list, and is translated into 45 languages.

Why Do These Stories Matter?

When I talk with women about losing weight after age 50, I’m often told, “I’ve dieted since I was eight. It’s never worked for me.”

But here’s the thing: saying that you haven’t lost and maintained before only tells me about your past. It doesn’t tell me anything about what you’ll create this year. And that’s the difference.

Is food happening to you? Or do you happen to food?

Huge distinction.

Meaning: are you a passive player in your life or an active player?

The Wright brothers didn’t say, “Humans have never flown, what makes us think we can make it happen?” And the authors didn’t think, “I’ve never written a book. No way I can pull this off.”

I’m suggesting that we play an active role in deciding how we’ll navigate food in our lives.

The Whole Truth And Nothing But

It happens. I stepped on the scale Saturday morning and didn’t love the numbers.

And here’s what I told myself, “Huh. Up four.” At that, I took a good look at what, when, and how much I’d been eating, made corrections, and got on with the day.

I did not remind myself that I’m 57. Or even that my Italian DNA produces dumpling-people.

These are not thought-paths that help me improve the situation.

Instead I talk to myself about the fun of being at my preferred weight. How much I love putting on clothes that fit. And how much better my back problems are now.

And then you know what I do? I move on. I read, walk my German shepherd, bug my kids to study for their SATs (they love that), clean the kitchen, run a load of laundry and read more.

Speaking at Harvard’s graduation, J.K. Rowling said:

“It is impossible to live without failing at something, unless you live so cautiously that you might as well not have lived at all – in which case, you fail by default.”

I failed my way into a large weight-loss, and I most definitely failed and corrected my way into these fifteen years of maintenance. I’m inviting you to fail with me to success.

“Failing well” is absolutely the path to permanent weight loss. (And thank you to a sweet reader who gave me this amazing term.) Read about my most favorite thought here: Love, Love, Love this Metaphor.

Have a wonderful week everyone. And please ask questions or make suggestions in the comment section below!

And remember, it is not your imagination. Health is hard.

♥, Wendy

P.S. Are you new to the Inspired Eater? Welcome!! This blog won’t make much sense until you first read the Aunt Bea post (and you’ll find Aunt Bea on this page to the right under my short bio). On your cell you’ll see it immediately following the first post. After you enter your email address, the Aunt Bea article will be sent to your email’s inbox. If it’s not there, you might check the spam folder. And always feel free to email me at Wendy@TheInspiredEater.com and I’ll get Aunt Bea right to you!

You know the scoop: I’m an Amazon affiliate. If you buy from a link in my post, I might earn a percentage that won’t impact your price of the item at all.

(For animal lovers: no worries, this story has a wonderful ending.)

On a beautiful spring morning, I awoke early, glugged coffee and drove my sweet shepherd to the dog park. It was a Monday so I knew the park would be quiet, and sure enough, only two young dogs met us at the park’s gate.

As I threw balls for River, the dogs’ mom — who’d been sitting a distance away — walked over to me and we chitchatted about her two: they’d just turned one and both had had a particularly bad puppy-hood.  

As she stepped closer to me, all three dogs circled around us; me sitting on a bench while she stood. We chatted on.

Then immediately next to my bench, one of her dogs viciously latched onto my shepherd’s neck snarling ferociously the entire time. From the bench I dropped to my knees and after a moment or two, finally detached the other dog from River’s neck.

The woman finally got semi-control of her dog while I murmured to River, “It’s okay. It’s okay.” Holding his collar we limped together to the gate and then to our car.

I drove home shaking; completely freaked out.

I’m convinced that the woman’s young dog – coming from a bad puppy-hood — was only trying to protect his mom and River had gotten too close to her.

Thankfully, thankfully River wasn’t hurt at all.

At home, I cuddled River to calm him down, but thought, how am I going to calm down?

My knees were a mess so a shower seemed like a smart way to both clean them and relax. After the shower, I still needed to detress so I climbed into bed to dive back into my really good book. I knew that the shower, bed and two chapters would put me in a much better place.

And I was right.

But here’s the crazy part: our freezer held cookie dough and chocolate chip ice cream. The highest cupboard had mint Oreos and Reese’s Pieces. And my son’s desk drawer hid a full bag of small Snickers bars.

Yet on that scary morning — in hopes of chilling a bit — I took a shower, climbed into bed and read.

To chill.

A shower and a book.

You see my point.

Down the Rabbit Hole.

Back in the day, emotional experiences – bad or good — meant you’d find me in the kitchen or at the nearest fast-food drive-thru.

I self-soothed with food and didn’t have the first clue about how to mellow without junk food.

It wasn’t until hours after the dog park incident that I’d even noticed a change in my behavior. But when I did notice, I was stunned.

Did I seriously choose bed and a book over food?! Appears I did.

Holy macaroni – this was HUGE.

How I Made the Change

First, let me say that I’d had no idea that a fundamental shift had taken place.

Why didn’t I know? Because it had happened so slowly.

One thing I’m committed to on this blog is sharing the truth behind losing and maintaining after fifty. I’m not pretending in any way that this “getting and staying lean” thing has been easy.

My take on what happened that morning is that smart eating habits combined with time equaled an entirely new response to stress. The math would look like this:

Smart eating habits + time = healthy response to a traumatic situation.

Here’s the Good News.

While it’s taken me years to react positively to stress, it’s possible that it won’t take you as long. If I’d had the above equation in mind, I too might have figured this “respond better to crisis” thing much sooner.

I was (and am) one hundred percent committed to living a smart eating lifestyle. No more yo-yo eating. No more “but it’s Christmas!” eating, no more “starving to wear my bathing suit” eating.

I was done with eating poorly. And this foundational intention unfurled into smart eating habits that with time unfurled into a healthy response to a scary morning with my River.

Self-Therapy Writing

In your writing journal – which is awesome therapy, btw – free-write to these questions. Nobody will read this so just let yourself write with abandon:

• How do I engage with patience?
• Who have I shown great patience towards?
• What are five ways that I can increase my ability to be patient?
• When it comes to commitment, what am I like?
• Who have I shown deep commitment towards? (Three to five.)
• What have I shown deep commitment towards? (Three to five.)
• What are five ways I can show commitment to myself?
• What are my hard-core loves in life (like reading, swimming, or photography)?
• What are my default excuses for not doing more of the things I love? (Three to five.)

Is It Even A Thing?

Totally true, I didn’t set out to choose a shower and a book over ice cream when life goes south.

Why?

Because it had never — ever — occurred to me that choosing a book over ice cream was even a thing. I just assumed that I would always reach for junk food in response to a scary emotion. And that I would always invariably fight with myself: “but I wannnt the donuts!” “No! No donuts for you!”

Your Takeaway.

If I could talk to the younger-me who reached for food at any hint of emotion, I would tell her, “Build your commitment to smart eating habits. Increase your ability to be patient. And never, never, never stop searching for the hard-core loves in life. Because those loves may one day become your portal to chilling without binging.”

And remember it’s not your imagination, health is hard (for everyone).

Next week’s post is about surviving a three-day weekend without caving and eating all the calories. If there’s anything specific you’d like me to address let me know in the comments below! 🙂

♥, Wendy

You’re working hard at smart eating. Pounds are coming off slowly, but that’s a good thing, right? (One hundred percent: yes.)

You meet a newish friend for lunch, and tell her about your smart eating plan and she says, “I know the pain, twenty years ago I gave up cigarettes.”

Inside you’re thinking, well it’s not quite the same. We can give up cigarettes (which, btw, is a monumental accomplishment), but we can’t exactly scrub food from our lives.

And yet.

What if we could? Wouldn’t saying goodbye to food altogether make losing and maintaining after age fifty, like five thousand percent easier?

Yes, it would and yes it does.

Goodbye To Youuuu!

Obviously we can’t give up food entirely, but we can commit to removing categories of so-called “food” that look all happy and fun, but are not – repeat not – our friend.

This is how I kicked food out of my life:

First: Lose the Ding Dongs

I deep-sixed all processed junk food that you and I can find in any grocery store – phony-foods like bakery items, donuts, cookies, candy, the entire ice cream aisle and so forth – from my life.

Second: Get McSmart

I eliminated all fast food from my days like McDonalds, Dunkin, Starbucks and a billion of their brethren.

The one exception I make re: fast food, is when on a trip and we’re hungry (and I don’t have my trusty cold bag of food), we stop at Taco Bell. I’ll order one bean burrito “fresco style” meaning diced tomatoes substitute for something gross. (Google “nutrition” and “Taco Bell” for other smart meals.)

Third: Here’s the Skinny

I can see you nodding at the first two “give-these-up” food categories, but I’m afraid I’ll lose you on this one: eating in nice restaurants.

None of us want to give up eating out, right? Right.

So here’s what I do and it works beautifully: I take the large menu and constrain my options by ordering from one of two spots only: the appetizer or salad section.

If I go the salad route, I ask that any unhelpful ingredients like croutons, too much cheese, honey-glazed nuts, and anything fried (like taco shells) be left off. (And, as we’ve done forever, dressing on the side.)

But let’s say the appetizer and salad menus are both a no-go, in that case I order the smartest item I can find on the menu, and when the server brings our meals I request a to-go box right away.

Before I start eating I scoop half or more of the meal into the doggie-box and put it as outside of my vision as possible. I eat the other half of the meal for lunch the next day. (Do the eat half now, half tomorrow hack often enough becomes a great habit for not overeating in a restaurant.

That said, I largely order from the salad menu happy to get a large serving of veggies for the day. Do I use the dressing that’s on the side? I do, but I lightly touch my fork tines into the dressing before taking a salad bite.

Fourth: There’s a Party Going On Right Here

Special Occasion Foods. I can hear you now, “for crying out loud! Is this woman about to suggest that I don’t have wedding cake on my daughter’s big day? No pumpkin pie on Thanksgiving? Not even a slice of celebratory cake when my kids graduate from college?

Yes and no.

Here’s the thing, our long-term plan is that we’re training ourselves to celebrate events in ways that don’t put a focus on “food” that doesn’t have a shred of nutrition within.

There’s nothing wrong with a slice of cake at your daughter’s wedding. Or one slice of pumpkin pie at Thanksgiving. No biggie.

The problem comes into play when our entire calendar is packed with “celebrations” (coworkers’ birthdays, my grandson graduated middle school, my dog’s tumor isn’t malignant and so forth).

Take a good look at your calendar and if you’re celebrating with food on the regular, it’s time to find new ways to celebrate. For example:

• Weddings that you throw can easily lead to stress-eating, so eat well before the official meal. No time? Keep a sliced apple and Cliff bar in your purse. The idea is to sit down to eat relatively full. Spend your time dancing, taking photos or just attending to the wedding party.
• For Thanksgiving have a professional manicure and request an array of fall colors on your fingers (one nail burnt orange, one chocolate brown, another ruby red etc). When the holiday arrives, use your beautiful nails as a reminder to have one piece of pie only.
• Celebrate your dog’s wonderful news by taking her on a fun hike.

The second way to enjoy the occasional celebratory moment is to cut back on, say, dinner so that having a slice of birthday cake is not a problem.

The Magic Ingredient

Set yourself up for success by planning to develop these habits slowly. Give yourself sixty-six days (according to the English study I love) to establish the “I don’t do fast-food” habit.

Every Sunday or Monday, Journal-write exactly how you plan to avoid fast-food stops each day for the coming week. Planning is huge.

Why Measure It?

Plan to track your daily progress like this:

5-5-21 – Taking a new route home from work so that I don’t drive by Chick-fil-A. Day 3.

5-6-21 – Hope wanted to grab lunch with me at Subway. Felt safe explaining to her I’m working on my smart habits. Day 4!!

Recently, I tracked my “no sugar in the evenings” habit for seventy-two days until I realized that the habit had become a part of me. If I do the math — I’m doing it now — I’m actually on Day 117 having had no sugar after dinner. And since I don’t eat sugar during the day, I guess you’d call me a no-sugar person now.

Keeping track of my progress has been – and still is – a huge part of my success. Using OneNote I track all sorts of habits that I’m working to uplevel.

If we’re to stay lean and healthy in our food-gone-wild culture, playing a strong defense is crucial.

I’d love it if you’d share which category of food you plan to ditch once and for all.

Always remember, it’s not just you: health is hard!!

♥, Wendy

You know that the five stages of grief apply to a loved one’s passing. But food? How do the five stages apply to being over fifty and smart eating?

Take a look:

• Food Denial – Pour me another margarita! Who has the chips? Food is not a problem. I merely overdo it here or there. I’ll eat well for a month and the pounds will melt off (but they don’t).
• Food Anger – My entire life I’ve eaten more food than I do now and it wasn’t a problem. But now I’m on less food and gaining. What the he@# is happening?!
• Food Bargaining – I’ll inhale this pan of brownies right this second, and start a healthy eating plan Monday morning.
• Food Depression/sadness – But I want to eat half the cheesecake. It seems like everyone else gets fun-food but me. I either get awesome food or I starve. 🙁
• Food Acceptance – Heavy sigh. We live in a food-gone-wild culture with a thousand temptations across every mile. If I want to live at a specific weight, there are clear-cut steps I need to take.

Which Stage Are You?

Denial.

You and I are past fifty and are years and years past denial when it comes to smart eating. So it’s unlikely that most of us harbor illusions that the thirty extra pounds will be a snap to lose.

We’re so not in denial.

Anger.

But anger, now this is an emotion we can get behind. In our 40s we finally lost the baby weight that hung on for years, and figured out an eating plan that — even if it didn’t help us lose — didn’t cause gain.

Then menopause hit, our weight inched upward, and our stomach went all kangaroo pouch.

As my friend Barbara would say, “WTF?!”

It sure seems like just as we became accustomed to our adult body in our 40s – not perfect, but good enough – somebody pulled the rug out from under us and told us to get used to the kangaroo-pouch expanding every year.

Yes. Definitely angry. Count us in.

Bargaining.

Everyone knows how the bargaining stage rolls.

We tell ourselves:

• I’m eating tons of great food on this vacation lol, but as soon as I get home it’s nothing but salads-no-dressing and smoothies for me!
• Or, I can eat the homemade ice cream this summer with the kids because I’ll walk for an hour every morning.
• And finally, I toss a lot of my favorite dark chocolate into the grocery cart. It’s okay because I’ll only take a nibble.

I lounged for decades in the bargaining stage.

Depression/Sadness.

We know we’re in the depression/sadness stage when we watch our family plowing through waffles on Sunday morning only to think, I’m so bummed to be over fifty and not able to eat like everyone else.

Or, if I didn’t overeat so much on the regular, I wouldn’t be in this predicament in the first place. (Wendy’s note: this is not necessarily true of the post-menopausal woman.)

And then – one day — we might see acceptance on the horizon.

Acceptance!

Acceptance — the misunderstood stage of grief — means that while we don’t like it we’ve made peace with the reality that if we want to be a size eight, ninety-five percent of the time we need to eat smart food in small portions.

Acceptance says that we will likely gain if we don’t make changes to our eating plan. What worked in our 40s, won’t work in our 50s.

Acceptance also says that smart eating at smart times of the day – as in, eating after seven o’clock in the evening is not a good idea for most of us – will deliver a downward trending scale.

Acceptance adds that no, it’s not fair that everyone else gets to have fun-food while we have to rewire our brains to navigate our food-is-everywhere world.

Bridging to Acceptance.

The thing about food and the grief stages is that you can absolutely be in two stages at once. Or more likely bounce back and forth between two stages.

One week you might feel like, I’ve made it!! I accept that I prefer a size-eight pant-size to unlimited eating. I feel great.

And then the next week you might bounce back to the bargaining stage thinking, Mexican food on Cinco de Mayo can’t be a bad thing, right? And just to be clear: special food on a holiday is always fine. It’s the portion size that matters when it comes to getting to – and remaining at — a size-eight.

The Mission Should You Accept It

When it comes to the best therapy ever I’m committed to the value of therapy-writing. Not just in thinking answers, but in actually writing the answers. (I use a One Note program, but many rave about Evernote.)

First, journal-write about the five stages and answer these questions:

• Which stage(s) do you live within? Feel free to give more than one. (Some move from one stage to another in the course of the same day.) As an example, let’s say you discover you’re in the bargaining stage.
• How has the bargaining stage helped you in life (there’s often a reward to behavior we’d rather ditch)? How is it hurting you?
• What would you need to do — or think — to leave bargaining and head towards acceptance?
• List three things you’d miss by leaving the bargaining stage.
• List three reasons about why the acceptance stage seems so hard.
• What will you have to accept or understand to live in the acceptance stage?
• How can you bring daily awareness to living with acceptance?
• Living in the acceptance stage will mean. . .

How to Talk to Yourself is Huge.

Mantra is a woo-woo word that I use to mean: repeat this new info. to yourself on the regular. You’re essentially rewiring how you think about food.

The acceptance mantras go like this:

• I’m over fifty and I get it: if I want to be a size-eight, I can’t eat like I’m thirty-eight.
• I can eat whatever I want whenever I want, but can’t also be a size-eight.
• Bakery treats versus size-eight jeans? I choose size-eight jeans. (I say this to myself all the time when my husband lays out his bakery buffet.)

Remember, acceptance is about making peace with reality. There’s a reality to being over fifty: for example, some of us (maybe me) could really use a hearing aide, sometimes we forget mid-sentence what we’re talking about, and we can’t eat like we did in our thirties and forties.

If smart eating and losing weight are a priority, a lighter weight can be yours but it means making a difficult daily choice: chocolate croissant with your morning coffee or size-eight jeans?

My new sign off I once heard a friend say (her part in quotes): It is not just your imagination, “health is hard.”

Please share in the comments below which stage you’re in and ideas you have to bridge to the acceptance stage. It’s so cool that we can build a community and learn from each other in the comments section. 🙂

Always remember, it’s not just you. Health is hard!

♥, Wendy