Silly donkey, pink bows are for (furry) kids

Pearl One

He’s cute and pathetic, and has the sweetest pink bow on his tail. We might want to mother him — you know — transform his sad-sack self.

The Eeyore-people. They are everywhere. At first they seem so benign and innocent, what harm could they possibly cause?

And while it might appear that an Eeyore just needs a hug and a mug of hot chocolate, you should know that Eryores are committed to their task of ruining other people’s excitement-project.

That said the Eeyores comes in so many shades of gloom that it’s not always apparent that we’re dealing with one.

Your basic, no-frills Eeyore will forever default to lamenting, “nothing good ever happens. It’s just one thing after another. Must be raining out. Woe is me.”

Other Eeyores are passive-aggressive. This type concludes every barb with, “Come on! I was just joking!” or “I only say (the barb) to be helpful. I’m worried about you. I don’t want you getting your hopes up, only to see them dashed. Again.”

And finally we come to the aggressive-aggressive Eeyore who – upon hearing our new venture — responds with laughter while belittling, ignoring, or sneering at our plans.

While somewhere deep inside we know there’s no convincing an Eeyore, we try anyway when we say, “Really, this time feels different. I’m changing my habits and how I deal with food.” And at that – like clockwork – the Eeyore shakes his head, chuckles a bit and says, “What will make you cheat this year? I don’t get why you waste your energy.”

Do you see why I call an Eeyore “dangerous”? The instant you start doubting yourself, the Eyores dash in to and will work to topple your plans.

After he leaves the room, you work internally to put your heart back together (again), clean the kitchen and head to bed all while thinking, “why can’t he be more supportive?”

Take a good, long look – quietly — at the person you’re engaging with. And journal-write about what you see before you. 

Whether you’re dealing with an Eeyore-friend, family member, co-worker, or partner, they’re dangerous because they can decimate our plans with a look or a non supportive comment.

Never dismiss an Eeyore’s attitude as nothing, or think, he just doesn’t understand. As I lose weight and change my habits, he’ll come along. No, they do not “come along.”

Thing is, Eeyores don’t change. For whatever reason — that’s between them and their therapist — they don’t want us to grow and evolve. They have a certain way of seeing us, and they want the image kept in place.

So, protect your plans. Be a closed book, and get on with transforming your life. Share in the comments below a little about your Eeyore and how you manage them. ♥

Pearl Two

I didn’t think up this great tool, but I’m sure glad that Tim Ferris – podcaster extraordinaire – put words to the feelings of “HELL YEAH!!”

Let me explain.

When we take something away from ourselves – like overeating for comfort – we have to give something in return or we feel a yawning void, an emptiness inside, and head straight for the Doritos. (When people give up alcohol or drugs, the rehab staff strongly encourages participants to find new passions in life as part of the healing process.)

We’ve all tried various activities and – while some were okay — none sparked much passion in us.

But Tim’s “HELL YEAH!!” energy changes the equation.

As an example, one woman I know loves comedy. She’ll take her comediennes on Netflix, but she’s wild about seeing stand-up live. Years ago, she saw Seinfeld just months before his show went on the air and last week she saw Kid Gorgeous — John Mulaney — live in her town. ♥

Pearl Three

Sequencing is taken directly from Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT). The purpose of sequences is to help us move from reacting to circumstances to thoughtfully responding. I encourage you to do a sequence a day in your journal. Powerful stuff.

Automatic Sequence

• Situation (very concrete). My baby is 19 months old and is not walking. Twin brother was walking ten months. What’s happening? Now what?
• Automatic Thought: The “slow to walk” thing might be indicative of a disease.
• Feeling: Panicked.
• Action: Frantically called my pediatrician for an appointment.
• Result:  I wind myself up, fearing the worst.

Chosen Sequence

• Situation (very concrete). My baby is 19 months old and is not walking. Twin brother was walking ten months. What’s happening? Now what?
• Chosen Thought: I need to stay chillI need to all of the information before I get upset.
• Feeling: Scared, but calm.
• Action:  I make an appointed with our pediatrician. Do online research to see what’s out there to help my guy walk (turns out that they have small wheeled walking frame to make walking easier).
• Result: All went well. The neurologist-pediatrician said that his MRI showed nothing wrong. My boy walked soon after the doctor visits. ♥

Pearl Four

Books love us and want us to be happy.

I read stories like Wild: From Lost to Found on the Pacific Crear Trail by Cheryl Strayed with incomprehension. Her mom died when Strayed was a senior in high school. Her mother’s death and her own marriage fading, at twenty-two Cheryl thinks that hiking the Pacific West Trail (PW) was just the thing. And so Wild is a beautiful account of her life and her trek of 1,100 miles alone.

After Wild, Strayed wrote Tiny Beautiful Things curated from her column called Dear Sugar. I made the mistake of not reading Tiny, Beautiful Things because I assumed that it was like Dear Abby of old. Not at all. Think: fictional character named Claire writes an advice blog called Dear Sugar.

Her newest book is out: Reading the Waves: a Memoir..

Pearl Five

“Nothing worthwhile comes easily. Half effort does not produce half results. It produces no results. Work, continuous work and hard work, is the only way to accomplish results that last.”— Hamilton Holt, American author ♥

I hope you guys are hanging in there! Let me know in the comments below how you’re doing.

And if you enjoyed this post: I’d love it if you’d send it on!!

Have a smart eating week!

♥, Wendy

You know the scoop: I’m an Amazon affiliate. If you buy from a link in my post, I’ll receive money, but the arrangement won’t cost you a dime.

Are you new to the Inspired Eater? Welcome!! This blog won’t make much sense until you first read the Aunt Bea post (and you’ll find Aunt Bea on this page to the right under my short bio). On your cell you’ll see it immediately following the first post. After you enter your email address, the Aunt Bea article will be sent to your email’s inbox. If it’s not there, you might check the spam folder. And always feel free to email me at Wendy@TheInspiredEater.com and I’ll get Aunt Bea right to you!!

I am not an expert, doctor, surgeon, nurse, dietician, or nutritionist: the information within TheInspiredEater.com is based solely on my personal experience and is not intended to be used as a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment.

Pearl One

As therapists-in-training my peers and I were taught that if a client started “yes, butting” us it was a clear sign that we’d careened the client and ourself into the weeds.

An example:

Therapist: “So, you’re saying that he’s part of what you call your weight problem because he brings home donuts. Have you asked him to stop?”

Client: “Yes, but while he’s great for a week or two, he eventually reverts back to what he’s always done. Like last week, he brought home donuts leftover from a meeting, and of course I caved.

Do you see the “yes but?”

The thing is, I think we “yes, but” our own self like in these examples:

• I’ve always wanted to join the new Pilates place. But the cost, the time in traffic, the grocery store.
• I’ve always wanted to host foster kids for the weekend. Once a month, I could see that. But my life is just too crazy right now
• I’d love to shop for a new dress for the summer wedding, but, but, but.

Stronger questions would look like this:

• How do you take care of your interests and needs on a daily basis?
• When you think of getting your needs met, what comes up for you?
• Would you say that you have your own back? What does “having your own back” even look like for you?
• How were you cared for in your younger years? In your young adult years? Middle adult years?

Look for the patters in your life. The stronger we become, the more ourselves

Pearl Two

How does seeing patterns help weight loss over fifty? Here’s the thing, once you identify a pattern, you can then move to disrupt it.

A pattern from my own life, My dad worked in Hawaii every other year and would take us with him. We stayed in a cool hotel that had a kitchen. We’d be there for five weeks. So when we got back home while I loved seeing our pup, I pined to be back in Hawaii.

Today, things have changed. These days I long to get back to Richmond, Virginia. We had four awesome years in VA, but my husband got a job offer and we’ve been in a super-fantastic-but-not-Richmond suburb for ten years. I’m figuring out how to love where I live. ♥

Pearl Three

Sequencing is taken directly from Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT). The purpose of sequences is to help us move from reacting to circumstances to thoughtfully responding. I encourage you to do a sequence a day in your journal. Powerful stuff.

Automatic Sequence

• Situation (be super-duper concrete): my husband recently had a stroke and has short term memory loss.
• Immediate thought: this will really ruin our lives.
• Feeling: Fear, sadness and why us?
• Action: Ice cream.
• Result: Gaining not losing weight, that’s for sure.

Chosen Sequence

• Situation (be super-duper concrete): my husband recently had a stroke and has short term memory loss.
• Chosen thought: this is new — my parents never had memory loss – I think a book on the topic would be good for me.
• Feeling: Hesitant leaning toward confident.
• Action: I got a book and started reading and found Facebook pages and more websites. I learned a lot. We both have.
• Result: After all this research we’ve learned so much and have a better time in our have a better time being marriage. ♥

Pearl Four

Books love us and want us to be happy

Whether your relationship with your mom was awesome or awful you’ll love reading Lucky Me: My Life With–and Without–My Mom, Shirley Maclaine by Sachi Parker.  The lengths Maclaine went to ditch her daughter’s childhood defies understanding. Those of us who love our children beyond words, can’t fathom being so uninvolved with a child. Five thumbs up. ♥

Pearl Five

No matter how many mistakes you make or how slow you progress, you are still way ahead of everyone who isn’t trying.” ♥

— Tpny Robbins

My boys’ birthday is getting closer. One of my sons is super frugal. Everything about him is minimize, minimize, minimize. The other son likes the finer things in life. So I don’t know what to give either one! Any ideas greatly appreciated.

I hope your week soars!

♥, Wendy

You know the scoop: I’m an Amazon affiliate. If you buy from a link in my post, I’ll receive money, but the arrangement won’t cost you a dime.

Are you new to the Inspired Eater? Welcome!! This blog won’t make much sense until you first read the Aunt Bea post (and you’ll find Aunt Bea on this page to the right under my short bio). On your cell you’ll see it immediately following the first post. After you enter your email address, the Aunt Bea article will be sent to your email’s inbox. If it’s not there, you might check the spam folder. And always feel free to email me at Wendy@TheInspiredEater.com and I’ll get Aunt Bea right to you!!

I am not an expert, doctor, surgeon, nurse, dietician, or nutritionist: the information within TheInspiredEater.com is based solely on my personal experience and is not intended to be used as a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment.

Pearl One

A couple months back, I fell down the rabbit hole that is Instagram and was algorithm-fed reels featuring newborns and what their first thirty minutes of life looks like. Some babies will need NICU, others won’t. And as I watched I realized that the twin, triplet and quad moms were propping bottles to feed their babies.

And everything I’d read said that propping a baby with a bottle was a hard no.

But on these reels the triplet and quad moms were actually showing off how they propped each baby with a bottle. The mom stayed in the room with the babies monitoring the entire time and provided a floor-show for the four smiling, but drinking, adorables. I noticed that each baby waited patiently for their bottle because they had pacifiers.

The other thing I noticed watching the reels: if a baby stayed in the hospital for one or two nights, most came out sucking away on a Binky.

Pacifiers! I’d tried to introduce pacifiers a few times with my babies but didn’t think much about it when they kept spitting them out.

We ended up spending a fortune on mother’s helpers and it’s startling to see that all I likely needed was a small piece of plastic.

The next time I have twins, they’re getting pacifiers and will occasionally be propped. There’s far less crying when the little plug is in place.

So what do babies and pacifiers have to do with you and me?

Here’s what I took from my experience, in every situation in which I find myself, I’ll remember to always be on the hunt for the pacifier.

Look through your life and, as you do, ask yourself how can I make this task easier? Am I sweating something that really just needs a pacifier?

Take a look at the “pacifiers” I used to lose wight and preserve the loss for a lifetime.

• I called weight loss/preservation tasks a part-time job, instantly opening swaths of time to focus on all that’s involved with preserving a weight loss.
• Always used ‘eat before I eat.’ Usually, I’ll have an apple, banana or yogurt.
• I always eat a small dinner and take a great book upstairs (my favorite small dinner is brown rice and stir-fry veggies from Costco).

The first two strategies are about keeping hunger at bay (a huge, huge deal). The small dinner/great book strategy is about giving ourselves something (a phenomenal book) when we take something away (dessert). So, that’s my new plan in life: find the pacifiers. They’re there, just keep looking. ♥

Pearl Two

How are you implicit in your food/weight situation? I have a cousin who has spent many years going and then not going to AA. She’d tried their “A meeting a day for the first ninety days.”

Three times.

I finally asked her. “How does the alcohol get into your home in the first place: she readily said, “The alcoholic brings it into the house, that’s how.” My thought was, why bring alcohol into your home? The problem starts back at the grocery store which is true, but of course, it really starts with her thinking that she can remain sober with her favorite alcohol in the house.

Back to us. It’s easier to see in others and much harder to see in ourselves, but when are we bringing home “the alcohol” and trying to live with it in our house? How do we do this to ourselves?

So, here’s our plan: from now forward let’s give the whole idea of being implicit in our problems over to the journal. Write about how you bring home the alcohol. Write about how you fake yourself out. Write about what being totally honest with yourself would be like. Just keep writing, The wisdom is in the writing. ♥

Pearl Three

Sequencing is taken directly from Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT). The purpose of sequences is to help us move from reacting to circumstances to responding. I encourage you to do a sequence a day in your journal. Powerful stuff.

This sequence is based on a friend’s experience.

Automatic Sequence

• Situation: My neurologist doesn’t return my calls.
• Automatic Thought: What is happening?
• Feeling: Angry. Sometimes furious.
• Action: I keep sending messages.
• Result: I’m not trying the new med that I heard about.

Chosen Sequence

• Situation: My neurologist doesn’t return my calls.
• Chosen Thought: For whatever reason, Dr. such-and-such is gone (in a sense) and here’s what I’ll do now: I have to be my own heath care advocate.
• Feeling: Emboldened, still miffed that this medical process has been so hard, but I feel relief at giving up on this one doctor.
• Action: I get referrals and start reading a lot of websites to find “my” neuro. Result: I find a new neuro.
• Result: I find one that I like who shares my thoughts on my disease and prescribed the med I wanted to try.

Pearl Four

Books love us and want us to be happy

This is the kind of book I always hope to find for our group. It’s a book of essays by a writer who grew up “poor” and she’s writes about the class line between the working poor and the middle class The essays blend beautifully into the next. Bone of the Bone: Essays on America by a Daughter of the Working Class by Sarah Smarsh is a perfect read for smart, sensitive people like ourselves.

Pearl Five

It is often the small steps, not the giant leaps, that bring about the most lasting change.”

— Queen Elizabeth II

♥, Wendy

You know the scoop: I’m an Amazon affiliate. If you buy from a link in my post, I’ll receive money, but the arrangement won’t cost you a dime.

Are you new to the Inspired Eater? Welcome!! This blog won’t make much sense until you first read the Aunt Bea post (and you’ll find Aunt Bea on this page to the right under my short bio). On your cell you’ll see it immediately following the first post. After you enter your email address, the Aunt Bea article will be sent to your email’s inbox. If it’s not there, you might check the spam folder. And always feel free to email me at Wendy@TheInspiredEater.com and I’ll get Aunt Bea right to you!!

I am not an expert, doctor, surgeon, nurse, dietician, or nutritionist: the information within TheInspiredEater.com is based solely on my personal experience and is not intended to be used as a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment.

Is chocolate a trigger food? If yes, steer clear. Also wanting food-porn means you’re hungry for food-food.

Pearl One

Let’s get right into today’s writing journal prompts: What’s the hardest time of day for you to stay on the Smart Eating Path? Be super detailed in your answer.

Avoid being too general in your writing as in: afternoons at work are hard, or evenings ruin everything for me. Get specific: Jim brings donuts to work every Friday and since I have two and had a third later on. I feel like I’ve blown it. I return home to a scarfer who packs the kitchen with food-porn galore. Since I spent the day eating donuts, I figure dinner at the Mexican with a margarita sounds right my alley!

Be super specific and say: Immediately after dinner, I want something sweet, so at 6:45 p.m. I’m hunting for the Oreos. Or, I’m great until 9 p.m., but then I want ice cream while I’m watching Bridgerton.

The more you drill down the, the more successful your intervention.

Journal-writing is how we engage our subconscious. And here’s the thing: our subconscious is super intelligent and wants to share her knowledge. Also, she’s thrilled to be invited to the party (she mainly feels ignored). Journal-write to these questions and watch her in action:

• At what part of the day are you the most exhausted?
• How do you respond to your own exhaustion?
  • What is the hardest time of day for me to veer off my Smart Eating Plan?
• How can I have compassion for myself re: this difficult time of day? (Ex: I forgo a healthy afternoon snack and am hangry by the time I get home. Of course I’m not doing well after work, I’m running on fumes!)
• What would make it easier for me?
• What do I associate with eating (unplanned) food?
• What is the smallest effort I can make to better deal with my hard moments?
• What is the largest efforts? (Be creative with this one.)
• How can I approach my difficult time frame with strength?
• How can i plan for the tough times in my day?
• How do you engage wit your own hunger?
• What happens minutes before you plunge into the kitchen??

Continue journal-writing on a daily(ish) and drill down. Knowledge really is power. ♥

Pearl Two

A Weight Watcher leader said, “What if – as you’re driving to your favorite grocery store — you soar right through two green lights, but then come to a stop at a red?”

Do you roll your eyes thinking, knew it. Other people can go to the grocery store, I guess I don’t have what it takes. And then do you turn around and drive home?

Of course not.

That would be silly.

But — the leader’s point was — we do exactly that when we eat something that swerves from our smart eating plan; we eat the cake or the Snickers or whatever and think, everything’s ruined and we commence to overeat for the next six months. Until many months later when we try again and end up in the same loop.

Year-in and year-out.

Manage Your Expectations

As you lose weight expect road high speed bumps, slow trucks, and red stop lights.

Stop signs happen. We call them “slips.” Prepare for slips by creating a rock-solid back- up plan. (More how to create one here. I’d love to hear about how you deal with it. ♥

Pearl Three

Sequencing is taken directly from Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT). The purpose of sequences is to help us move from reacting to circumstances to responding. I encourage you to do a sequence a day in your journal. Powerful stuff.

This sequence is about a young friend.

Automatic Sequence

• Automatic Situation: A friend of mine got four tickets to see Taylor Swift on the Eras tour. They had four tickets. but five girls. So, my friend opted out letting the others see the show and she stayed home.
• Thought: Very bummed. Life is sooo unfair.
• Feeling: I’m really sad and disappointed,
• Action: I tear up easily.
• Result: Still sad, I just push the sad thoughts out of my mind as much as I can.

Chosen Sequence

Situation: A friend of mine got four tickets to see Taylor Swift on the Eras tour. They had four tickets. but five girls. So, my friend opted out letting the others see the show and she stayed home.

Chosen thought: I have my own money and I have a wealthy grandma. I could buy the ticket and go to the show easily. but I don’t want to use my money that way and I don’t want to ask my Oma for more money (she already pays for Vegas and Hawaii trips and gives really nice Christmas presents).

Feeling: So much better. It’s comforting to remember that the money is available, I just don’t want the money to go to  a  concert ticket.

Action: I check out how much money I’ve saved and invested.

Result: That year my Oma took us to Las Vega — we’re in Phoenix –and saw Adelle (in a small, intimate theater.) ♥

Pearl Four

i promise you that I go through stacks of books every week trying to find something upbeat, and truly engaging.

Long story, short I don’t have a book for this week.

This is one of my absolute favorite books of all time:

A Woman of No Importance the Untold Story of the American Spy Who Helped Win World War II by Sonia Purnell left me absolutely floored. This book falls into the historical non-fiction genre and the author knocks it out of the park having researched and written the book in such a way that you can almost feel the Gestapo just steps behind Virginia as she flees France. Review: an incredible read and you’ll never forget Virginia. (This book has Nazis, but only in a very peripheral way)

Pearl Five

“Any time you sincerely want to make a change, the first thing you must do is to raise your standards.” 

Tony Robfins

I’m not sure why, but just sitting missing my fur baby today. He’s been gone three years and the pain is as bad as ever

Have a great week!

♥, Wendy

You know the scoop: I’m an Amazon affiliate. If you buy from a link in my post, I’ll receive money, but the arrangement won’t cost you a dime.

Are you new to the Inspired Eater? Welcome!! This blog won’t make much sense until you first read the Aunt Bea post (and you’ll find Aunt Bea on this page to the right under my short bio). On your cell you’ll see it immediately following the first post. After you enter your email address, the Aunt Bea article will be sent to your email’s inbox. If it’s not there, you might check the spam folder. And always feel free to email me at Wendy@TheInspiredEater.com and I’ll get Aunt Bea right to you!!

I am not an expert, doctor, surgeon, nurse, dietician, or nutritionist: the information within TheInspiredEater.com is based solely on my personal experience and is not intended to be used as a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment.

A dear friend doesn’t care what you eat.

Pearl One

Hello Thivers!

I re-tooled a former pearl.

A casual friend who was an eating-buddy of sorts and I went to lunch every two months or so and no, we didn’t and we eat small. We politely chowed.

So when I began my weight loss trek (in earnest), my girlfriend and I were out to lunch one day and I ordered my veggies and brown rice. When our meals arrived mine was for some reason in a very small bowl. It wasn’t a problem for me,

But guess how the small bowl went over? Clearly bugged her.

I didn’t purposely pull away from my friend, but that’s exactly what happened. That’s all to say that I’d handle the interaction 1,000 percent differently today.

If you have somebody in your life that you don’t want to give up, explore the topic in your journal. Challenge yourself to write about why this relationship is so difficult and why this friendship is so precious to you? Add three ways to keep the relationship as you go forward. What does it mean to lose a friend? Do we “grow out” of people? Just keep writing in your journal. (Remember Dora in Nemo.,”Just keep swimming, Just keep swimming.”)

They’ve done studies concluding that habits are contagious no matter whether we’re talking good habits or bad.

Like a terrible virus.

They also say that we can catch habits from our friends’ friends. Makes sense if you think about it. If my good friend, Sarah, has a good friend named Sally and Sally thinks that drinking a bottle of chardonnay on her own every night is just the thing, then Sarah might end up drinking more too and subsequently pass the attitude of over drinking onto you.

Here’s my point: we have to give careful thought to who we allow to stay in our lives. That’s what happened for me. My eating and weight bothered me so much that I didn’t want to be around anyone who could even accidentally create a snag in what I was doing (losing weight permanently).

I didn’t say that it would be easy to walk the Smart Eating Path, only that it’ll be worth every hard moment. ♥

Pearl Two

I think you know that I’m not a huge fan of Starbucks, but there are times when I’m in one for a meeting or something like it.

I look up the menu the evening before I meet someone so that it’s easy to order the next day.  

As per normal Starbucks puts seasonal drinks on the menu. And the spring drink options are — drum roll please — the following:

Iced Cherry Chai, Iced Lavender Cream Oatmilk Matcha, Iced Lavender Latte, and Lavender Crème Frappuccino Blended Beverage.

The one drink that’s reasonable is the Iced Lavender Latte which comes in at:

•     Calories: 135
•     Protein: 4.1g
•     Sugar: 19g
•     Carbohydrates: 20g
•     Fat: 4.7g
•     Carbohydrates: 20g

Let’s remember to vote with our dollars: only order healthy drinks. ♥

Pearl Three

Sequencing is taken directly from Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT). The purpose of sequences is to help us move from reacting to circumstances to responding. I encourage you to do a sequence a day in your journal. Powerful stuff.

Initial Sequence

• Situation: (something very concrete): I get dry mouth. It’s from one of the meds I’m on.
• Automatic thought: Ahhh, dry mouth! I can’t talk.
• Feeling: I feel misunderstood. People around me in public and at home don’t understand how awful dry mouth is. It gets so bad that I can’t form words.
• Action: I reach for anything that’s liquid.
• Result: No growth, no learning, more dry mouth problems.

Chosen Sequence

• Situation: (something very concrete): I get dry mouth. It’s from one of the meds.
• Chosen thought: there has to be a better way to live with my “dry mouth.”
• Feeling: Productive. Like of course I can solve for “x” here.
• Action: I – okay, duh – keep a small water bottle in my purse at all times.
• Result: I learned that I hadn’t taken the “bull by the horns” and solve the problem for myself. ♥

Pearl Four

Books love us and want us to be happy

I’m just halfway through this marvel of a book called My Name Is Lucy Barton: A Novel by Elizabeth Strout. So halfway in give this story five thumbs up.

Pearl Five

Most people have an insufficient reason for action. The pain isn’t painful enough. It’s a nice-to-have, not a must-have. There has not been an (“aha” moment”). ♥

Tim Ferris

I’ve been knee-deep in a Philadelphia article this week. Sounds like a great city to visit especially if you’re a history lover.

Would you believe that there’s now an app where we can reserve our parking spot? I learned this because Philly has so much to offer visitors except parking spaces. lol. Spothero.com

If you’ve enjoyed this post it would be so great if you could pass it on. And thank you.

Have a smart- eating week!

♥, Wendy

You know the scoop: I’m an Amazon affiliate. If you buy from a link in my post, I’ll receive money, but the arrangement won’t cost you a dime.

Are you new to the Inspired Eater? Welcome!! This blog won’t make much sense until you first read the Aunt Bea post (and you’ll find Aunt Bea on this page to the right under my short bio). On your cell you’ll see it immediately following the first post. After you enter your email address, the Aunt Bea article will be sent to your email’s inbox. If it’s not there, you might check the spam folder. And always feel free to email me at Wendy@TheInspiredEater.com and I’ll get Aunt Bea right to you!!

I am not an expert, doctor, surgeon, nurse, dietician, or nutritionist: the information within TheInspiredEater.com is based solely on my personal experience and is not intended to be used as a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment.

Pearl One

Admittedly I can be gullible, yes, it’s true. But I cannot be the only person who thought – back when – that the diet companies legit cared about their customers: you and I. I mean, maybe not “cared about us,” but at least had something valuable to teach. I assumed that if a business sells a product like a diamond ring, we pay money and and go home with a ring.

But here’s the rub with the diet-cartel: we think we’re buying a weight loss that will last a lifetime but they think they’re selling a forty-pound weight loss over and over again.  And the diet-cartel has actually convinced us that if we gain back the forty-pounds it’s our own stupid fault. So millions and millions of us think that we don’t have the right willpower, the ability to say “no” or the rigor for the long-term.

So, you and I board the diet-train to chunky-ville over and over again through the years. Never the wiser.

And nobody ever asks, “. . . but . . . how do I make my weight loss last for the long run?”  In the diet-cartel’s world there’s not a word or a term for a lifetime maintenance (I call “preservation”). They slap their knees in laughter. and when they finally get serious say: “lifetime loss was never the deal.”

My take back then was “these companies are lying to us!! They’ve never had our best interests in mind at all! They’re hoodwinking you and me, and it’s time the insanity stops!”

Then one day reality rained down. 

Ohhhhh.  Of course, the diet-cartel is not here to help us. We’re the diet-cartel’s target market and if we lose weight for “a lifetime” they won’t profit. They’re in business to make money.

Of course, the diet-cartel is not here to “help us.” The diet-cartel is alive and well, and in business to make as much profit as possible and they’re succeeding into the billions. My bottom line is let’s use the diet-cartel’s products as tools like a vacuum cleaner or a snow shovel. They are merely tools. They’re not riding a white steed ready to come to our weight-rescue. We can rescue ourselves, thanks. ♥

Pearl Two

Being uncomfortable is part of change. Say you want to embed the habit of always keeping your cold-tote packed in great bites by your side every day. The first day you forget to grab your already-packed cold-tote entirely. The second day you forget to take it off the roof of the car. Oops. The third day you remember the cold-tote, but forget that you filled it with “blah” food and everybody is having lunch at the Dairy Queen while you chew on a stalk of broccoli (you grabbed it as you flew out the door).

On your drives to work you call yourself “so lame” re: the cold-tote. You conclude with, it’s never going to happen tor me anyhow.

Hello? Self-sabotage much?

So, right at this moment, stop the frame and take a good look at how you’re talking to yourself.

One: your self-talk is cruel and unnecessary (critical self-talk is rarely helpful). Two: your expectations for yourself are off the rails. Remember my favorite study out of England that concluded it takes sixty-six days to embed a new habit? Well, I noticed something interesting as I was embedding a new habit: it was only the first sixteen days that were truly challenging. So expect a lot of false starts.

It takes time and effort to develop a new habit. Chill out on yourself. Talk to yourself with as much kindness and patience as you can muster. Babies learn to walk on their own schedule. Developing a new habit takes perseverance and time. And purchase the Atomic Habits by James Clear if you haven’t yet! ♥

Pearl Three

Sequencing is taken directly from Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT). The purpose of sequences is to help us move from reacting to circumstances to responding. I encourage you to do a sequence a day in your journal. Powerful stuff.

Automatic Sequence

• Situation (something very concrete): The scale tells me that I’ve lost fifteen-pounds.
• Thought: Get out of here!!
• Feeling: Rapture.
• Action: I wear the white jeans I haven’t worn in years.
• Result: They fit!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Chosen Sequence

• Situation (something very concrete): The scale tells me that I’ve lost fifteen-pounds.
• Chosen thought: I’m thrilled, of course, but Wendy coaches that we dial the drama down. This is the moment where I talk to myself and remind me that I’m entering a healthy period of “holding.” And as I hold I keep telling myself that I can accept my new weight, accept compliments with grace, and that people will still love me and want to be friends at my new weight. (I say this to myself over and over again.)
• Feeling: I feel tentative, careful. I know how fast the pounds can return plus I want to lose twenty more. But for now I’m holding and adjusting.
• Action: Per Wendy, I continue working on my habits, just holding my weight, and telling myself that I’m okay as I accept the new weight loss.
• Result: I’m starting to understand the idea that if we lose weight quickly our cavewoman shows up and ruins everything. I continue taking it slow so that my mind can accept the fifteen-pound loss.

Pearl Four

Books love us and want us to be happy.

I spent the last week pouring through stacks of books. It’s hard to find what I’m looking for: a book dessert. It can’t be scary (because life already scares me enough), it can;t be chick-lit, have Nazis or be a total downer. So this week I’m leaving it up to you. In the comment section down below: share your favorite book titles. Share your favorite of last year, the favorite one of your whole life or even your favorite author. But please share. ♥

Pearl Five

Sweetheart, you can’t go listening to every little voice that runs through your head. You’ll go nuts.” ♥

Samantha Jones, SATC

I’ve always been near-sighted. Out of nowhere — bamo! — I can’t read the copy in a book. Even the laptop screen is harder to read. So I got a new prescription, took it to Costco and await their call.

Have a smarty eating week!

♥, Wendy

You know the scoop: I’m an Amazon affiliate. If you buy from a link in my post, I’ll receive money, but the arrangement won’t cost you a dime.

Are you new to the Inspired Eater? Welcome!! This blog won’t make much sense until you first read the Aunt Bea post (and you’ll find Aunt Bea on this page to the right under my short bio). On your cell you’ll see it immediately following the first post. After you enter your email address, the Aunt Bea article will be sent to your email’s inbox. If it’s not there, you might check the spam folder. And always feel free to email me at Wendy@TheInspiredEater.com and I’ll get Aunt Bea right to you!!

I am not an expert, doctor, surgeon, nurse, dietician, or nutritionist: the information within TheInspiredEater.com is based solely on my personal experience and is not intended to be used as a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment.

Hi Everyone,

These Pearls are a tad long so let’s get started! And welcome to new people! If you didn’t receive Aunt Bea just email me: Wendy@theInspiredEater.com. ♥

Pearl One

Today we’re talking “individuation” in Pearl One and in Pearl Two “differentiation.” Then we’ll talk why they matter in our smart eating lives.

A new friend and I agreed to meet at lunch for Thai. We were just getting to know each other, but one thing caught my attention when we ordered. You know the spring rolls that’ve clearly been fried in grease? Well, gross or not, I love them. I don’t always order them but when I do, I eat the whole thing and then ask if you want yours.

So, when the staff person asked if we would like spring rolls with our lunch?” my friend immediately replied, “We don’t eat those fried things. No, no, icky, icky” and looked at me for confirmation.

I didn’t say, “but I LOVE them!”

Instead, I didn’t make a peep.

The – what l perceived to be – pressure to be like her, eat like her and hate spring rolls like her, felt concerning. I mean, it wasn’t a surprise, but the “let’s be alike” thing can be a signal that someone might not have have gotten far in their individuation process. (Wouldn’t it be fun to have me as a friend?)

I’d given my new friend a neutral reaction re: the spring rolls; not agreeing or disagreeing. But this spring roll situation is a great example of two people (my friend and myself) both needing work on our “Individuation journey.” My friend was pushing boundaries assuming I disliked spring rolls too. And I wasn’t setting boundaries by speaking up and saying that I love them.

(That said, I could have perceived things entirely wrong. If I’d known her better, I would have asked for feedback.)

What’s my point?

The idea of individuation is one that informs every molecule of our lives.

Carl Jung theorized that at mid-life we (unconsciously) begin to individuate in earnest. (Since his time, we now believe that a newborn begins to individuate when she’s just out of the womb.)

I once had an instructor in my master’s class say, “When the toddler first says, ‘NO!’ The parents should throw a party!” because yelling “no!” is a sign of strong mental health; the little girl is coming along beautifully, right on schedule.

Gems from the Journal

Now would be a wonderful time to pull out your journal. Individuation is about wondering “do I have a life’s purpose? And what is it? Why am I here? And who am I if I weren’t Wilson’s mom and Alex’s wife? Who am I as a person outside of the larger culture? Are there parts of myself that I haven’t used/been in for years. How am I at setting boundaries?” (As they say, there’s a lot to unpack here.)

It’s as if you’re outlining yourself with a big, black marker defining who you are. Carl Jung “invented” individuation and he believed that in mid-life the urge to evolve as a person is at its strongest.

And – as you likely know –, a painful childhood may likely mean that individuation stalled along the way.

You can locate the right therapist who can be a mid-wife for your individuation process or you can let the ideas percolate in your mind and then journal-write, pouring it out on the page. There’s great wisdom inside of you and you can access it all through your pen.

As Jung put it, “The world will ask you who you are, and if you don’t know, the world will tell you.”

Pearl Two

Now let’s talk differentiation (having a solid sense of self in a relationship).

Michael Phelps won 28 Olympic medals and became the most decorated athlete in Olympic history.

But can you imagine being his wife? “What do you mean you’re hungry again?”

When we’re in the honeymoon stage of being a couple, there’s a lot of “we’re so alike. We both like Johnny Cash! And SNL!! He even loves pizza! I mean, what are the odds, right?”

However, once the good-times start slowing down and real-life returns, differentiation becomes a significant player in your relationship with your partner. Differentiation tells us, that “as a couple we can be apart for the day, I still love you even though you’re not standing in front me at the moment” (summary of a Michelle Obama interview).

And it’s absolutely part of differentiation to say, “I’m working on smart eating, so dinner is going to be a little different this year (it’s really “a forever” way of eating, but take your partner along slowly).

Differentiation asks, “how are you able to maintain your sense of self while still engaging in an intimate relationship with your partner?” Do you both need to love the same movies? If he golfs with buddies while you go to church, is that okay with you?

I use Michael Phelps as a stark example of a married couple not eating alike. Phelps and his wife of course had to eat differently than each other, it wasn’t even a question. She had her meal and he had his

In a perfect world each partner has been on a steady path towards their own “individuation” and when they come together, they’re able to be physically close, plan their future together; basically, engage well with one another in a respectful, appreciative, curious and caring way. Always keeping their partner in mind, but also asserting themselves into the equation.

Bahahahaha!!

Had you for a second there, didn’t I?!

Let’s be real, you and I don’t live in Unicorn-Land. We live in the real world where partners have no idea what the word “differentiating” even means. But here’s the cool news: you can individuate and differentiate with your partner on your own. Just pour it all out into your journal. Writing is the best form of therapy because it’s always there for you.

What does individuation and differentiation have to do with us? When we bring a more defined sense of self to the partnership, we better choices and tolerate less (excuse my French) BS. Just know that “individuation” lifelong process. You’re creating a better relationship with yourself and that’s a forever-exploration.

A healthy differentiation directly affects our smart eating lives. If you feel a pull to always eat the same food items together. If it somehow feels “wrong” to eat separately. IF you think things like, “but that isn’t a marriage if I don’t eat with him” you might want to journal-write about your basic assumptions of a partnership and how you “show up” as a person working on your own individuation.” ♥

Pearl Three

A sequence a week

Once you get accustomed to doing sequences, you can do them in your mind. But again I typed them out for eons. This sequence is roots are grounded in Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) founded by Aaron Beck in the 60’s.

The Initial Sequence

• Situation: Grocery prices are high including produce.
• Thought: “I’ll never see my favorite foods again! How does smart eating even work if the food you love isn’t affordable?”
• Feeling: Angry.
• Action: Just tolerate what I can afford.
• Result: I’m living in an angry state of mind and perceive the grocery stores as as the “bad guy.”

The New Sequence

• Situation: Grocery prices are high including produce.
• Thought: I can adjust to our “new normal,” it’ll take time but I’ll get there. In the meantime I’ll search for ideas about how to bring costs down.
• Feeling: Proactive and like I’m taking care of myself.
• Action: I feel emboldened to search for solutions to the crazy prices, so I asked on a specific forum how they’re managing to keep the prices down. One person responded, “Do you know where an Asian market is by you?” Do I?! We live a stone’s throw from a huge Korean market. The responder suggested that I might like the produce prices in an Asian market better than at Kroger. Not sure that’s true, but I will report back.
• Result: I’m going to the Korean market this weekend! ♥

Pearl Four

Pearl four is an amazing book recommendation; not a review, just an awesome book I want to share

A few months back we read Whatever You Do, Don’t Run by Peter Allison and it apparently affected me because ever since i watch way too many “lions in the wild being a family” short-form videos. I wanted to share his next book with you and I was finishing the book I realizzed that I’d skipped too many sad animal stories. I think there was one sad story in his first book, but the secone, no, too many scenes that I don;t want in my head!

Bui they’re rather stories gentle stories — not for me — but you might be fine with that sort of content. If you are, his book is called Don’t Look Behind You. If you have a gentle heart for animals you might want to skip this one. But if you haven’t read his first, it’s really good.

Pearl Five

 
The mind can be both your greatest ally and worst enemy; you make it your strongest ally! ♥

anonymous.

Just a little housekeeping: I’m moving The Inspired Eater to either Mondays or Thursdays. Can you let me know in the comments below which day you’d? And thank you for doing that.!

♥ Wendy

You know the scoop: I’m an Amazon affiliate. If you buy from a link in my post, I’ll receive money, but the arrangement won’t cost you a dime.

Are you new to the Inspired Eater? Welcome!! This blog won’t make much sense until you first read the Aunt Bea post (and you’ll find Aunt Bea on this page to the right under my short bio). On your cell you’ll see it immediately following the first post. After you enter your email address, the Aunt Bea article will be sent to your email’s inbox. If it’s not there, you might check the spam folder. And always feel free to email me at Wendy@TheInspiredEater.com and I’ll get Aunt Bea right to you!!

I am not an expert, a doctor, a surgeon, a nurse or a nutritionist: the information within TheInspiredEater.com is based solely on my personal experience and is not intended to be used as a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. ♥

Hi Everyone,

I’m sorry these pearls are so late. I wrote two pearls and they just vanished. I will be getting IT work for sure.

Pearl One

I wrote early on about Brownies at Breakfast. When you and I transfer our nighttime sugar eating to having one dessert at breakfast with our coffee (always before 9 am), it’s a first step to slowly weaning ourselves off of sugar. (That said, if even a bite of chocolate triggers you into a week of overeating, clearly having a brownie at breakfast won’t work for you, for now.)

Sugar In the Morning

Here’s why I strongly encourage you to move desserts to the mornings.

1) By scheduling desserts in the morning we’re putting sugar into a time of day when few of us go berserko on desserts and overeat.

2) We’re helping ourselves “not feel cheated” because “everyone” is having desserts after dinner. We’ll have dessert too, but in the morning.

3) Our bodies don’t grip onto calories in the morning the way they do at night. I know this is a controversial idea, but those in the field of science are starting to take note, and it sure has worked in my life. I breakfast like king, lunch like a princess and eat dinner like a pauper (with light afternoon snacks).

Here’s the upshot: Because I developed the habit of moving dessert from the evening to the morning (which I took full advantage of in the beginning), actually helped me to eventually give up sugar entirely.

Again, the rules I created for myself: Eating desserts in the morning meant I had to be don’t with breakfast by 9 a.m. If I had a relatively light breakfast I would count that as two points. But if my breakfast was large, I calculated in four points. You can do the same equation if you’re counting calories. ♥

Pearl Two

I heard a guy on Instagram say, “Our brains are like a supercomputer. Our self-talk is the program. Our brains are always listening when we talk to ourselves.”

Pull out your journal and write to these prompts. When I wrote, I was quite surprised at some of the answers.

• I really love that I . . .
• I can always count on myself to. . .
• It’s taken time, but I’ve learned to be great at . . .
• Learning to manage . . . 
• I like that I learned how to . . .
• I’m tickled that I developed a habit of . . .
• Next write one word to each answer. For example, these were my six words.

I’m saying this stack to myself daily and it’s been especially supportive during tough moments when it seems like the blanket of negativity is descending. ♥

Pearl Three

Sequencing is taken directly from Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT). The purpose of sequences is to help us move from reacting to circumstances to responding. I encourage you to do a sequence a day in your journal. Powerful stuff.

The Initial Sequence

• Situation (concrete): I’m scheduled for back surgery and was told that hardware will be put into my back.
• Thought (keep it to one sentence): I don’t want a Lego (my word) piece left in my back.
• Feeling (keep it to one or two words): Scared.
• Action: Frantically googled leaving hardware in body post-surgery.
• Results: I’m panicky and wound up. Hard time sleeping and so forth.

The New Sequence

• Situation (concrete): I’m scheduled for back surgery and was told that hardware will be put into my back.
• Chosen Thought: I think I can learn to tolerate hardware inside of me. I can do hard things. I remind myself that “the hardware is my friend” and my surgeon, Dr. Heller, is a superstar surgeon at Emory.
• Feeling (keep it to one or two words): Calmer.
• Action: I don’t run around like a lunatic and get dramatic about the upcoming surgery.
• Result: Best back surgery ever. I was in so much pain. And in 2016 Heller fixed it totally! Here we are eight years later, and I haven’t heard a peep out of my back.

Pearl Four

Books love us and want us to be happy

The Anthropcene Reviewed by John Green. This a non-fiction book-dessert; the essays range from Diet Dr. Pepper to Our Capacity for Wonder. Really interesting. The reader can tell that Green had fun with this book. Nice book dessert.

Pearl Five

Grit is living life like it’s a marathon, not a sprint.”– Angela Duckworth ♥

If you’re enjoying what you’re reading, I would love it if you’d share with a friend.

Have a wonderful long-weekend!

♥ Wendy

Are you new to the Inspired Eater? Welcome!! This blog won’t make much sense until you first read the Aunt Bea post (and you’ll find Aunt Bea on this page to the right under my short bio). On your cell you’ll see it immediately following the first post. After you enter your email address, the Aunt Bea article will be sent to your email’s inbox. If it’s not there, you might check the spam folder. And always feel free to email me at Wendy@TheInspiredEater.com and I’ll get Aunt Bea right to you!

You know the scoop: I’m an Amazon affiliate. If you buy from a link in my post, I’ll receive money, but the arrangement won’t cost you a dime.

I am not an expert, a doctor, a surgeon, a nurse or a nutritionist: the information within TheInspiredEater.com is based solely on my personal experience and is not intended to be used as a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. ♥

Learning how to NOT light-up at a plate of donuts is merely a step to be learned.

A hello and welcome to our new thrivers!! You’ll get the most from the Inspired Eater site if you first read “Aunt Bea.” If you didn’t receive her, just shout! Wendy@theInspiredEater.com. The other essential read is Begin Here. I send out a post every Friday with five “pearls” that solely focuses on women losing weight after 50, 60, 70, and 80+. (“I’ve received a handful of emails from women in their 80’s! One told me that it never ends.”)

Hello to all the Thrivers who’ve taken my words and brought them to life. Putting everything within this website into play is impressive.

Pearl One

As you can probably guess, I lost 55-pounds before the new weight loss medications came out, but let me be upfront: back in the day, I would have been one of the first in line for a med if I’d had the bucks. Same goes for surgery. I’ll add that I was terrified of side-effects. No, not scared of side-effects like a responsible adult would be; I was scared of ouchies in any form.

Surgeries are fine too, but the two I’ve known to have surgery weren’t taught how to maintain their loss and ended up overeating eventually making the surgery null.

The conversation about maintenance – what I call “preservation” – is rarely discussed because nobody really knows how to maintain. I think at most they’ve studied maintenance a year to five years after a participant in a study loses the original weight, but they haven’t gone beyond that.

The only news on the maintenance-front comes down to studies like this one: “in a meta-analysis of 29 long-term weight loss studies, more than half of the lost weight was regained within two years, and by five years more than 80% of lost weight was regained.” (Study here.)

My theory is that to create a successful “forever-loss” for ourselves we essentially need to transform how we engage with food.

The bottom line is that you and I both know how to lose weight, we’ve done it many times throughout the decades. What we really need to learn is how to create a forever-loss.

Can it be done? One new habit at a time, yes. The post I’m linking here talks about giving up sugar, but the method works for any new habit you want to create: pearl one.

I will post more about how-to survive the first difficult days of creating a new habit starting with next week. ♥

Pearl Two

I’ve talked about this reframe before, but if you’re anything like me you need a friendly reminder. This is one of the most powerful reframes that I’ve used 24/7/365. You know how smart eating takes like twenty-five thousand micro-steps? All of the driving and picking up of smart groceries at five different grocery stores; all the measuring, chopping, baking; all of the inevitable swerves into a margarita and chips that “ruined everything” (it didn’t); or into Ben & Jerry’s and everything has “gone wrong” (it hasn’t) while navigating smart eating is supremely difficult? To almost be impossible?

Back when I began my weight loss in earnest – after my “moment of clarity” – I well-knew the massive effort involved with losing and then preserving a forever-loss. It dawned on me one day to call everything involved with weight loss and keeping it off my part-time job.

And bam! a simple title changed everything. What had been annoying jobs squeezed into the cracks of my day, became a supportable part of my life. I can report that there was far less whining and complaining on my part.

When I called it a part-time job, I’d elevated this trek we’re on – losing and preserving after age 50 — from being “a nice thing to do” to one of my highest priorities in life. ♥

Pearl Three

A sequence every week

A sequence from my life:

• Situation (something concrete): my sister and I figured out how to facetime each other so that I can visit with my mom online (new readers: my mom is in the middle stages of Alzheimer’s and both she and my sister live in Tucson. I’m in Atlanta).
• Thought: Fun at first, but then I realized after a moment or two that she didn’t recognize me. Shelby took us on a tour of our mom’s memory care home which I hadn’t yet seen.
• Feeling: So incredibly sad.
• Action: My eyes started to well up in tears. At my tears Shelby started crying. Then we both cry-talked for a minute, then said our goodbyes.
• Result: It was late, I went to sleep feeling down.

New sequence with a chosen thought:

• Situation (something concrete): my sister and I figured out how to facetime each other so that I can visit with my mom online (new readers: my mom is in the middle stages of Alzheimer’s and both she and my sister live in Tucson. I’m in Atlanta).
• Chosen Thought: I’m into wild lions and I watch cute lion-family videos. I don’t watch the gory stuff. After I’d talked to my mom the next morning I wondered, “What happens to old male lions”? Same question for the old females. Trust me, don’t google it). There really is a cycle of life to every creature and while the early and middles of life might be fine, the endings are not always pretty. Everything that’s happening with my parents is just life being life.
• Feeling: Call me crazy, but I feel so much better. By her standards, my mom had a very successful life. Now that she’s at the end of her life, she’s dealing with the difficulty of the dying process that we all go through.
• Action: I plan to Facetime a lot more with my mom and without crying at the end of our talk and upsetting my sister.
• Result: I feel like I’ve had a boost in my emotional-evolution. Children grow into adults and parents pass on (like Jerry Seinfeld says, “They’re here to replace us.”). Dying is just how life works. With that thought I feel better.
• I’ll still well-up in tears when talking with my mom, but the lions helped me feel a little more comforted; a little less anguished. ♥

Pearl Four

Pearl four is an amazing book recommendation; not a review, just an awesome book I want to share

I needed to quickly dip into this book for another reason, but as I read I was pulled back into this amazing story.

The author, a Harvard-trained neuroscientist, had a stroke at the age of thirty-seven. She was just getting out of bed one morning when the stroke hit.

From her background as a scientist, Jill meta-watched her brain deteriorate in real-rime. My Stroke of Insight a brain scientist’s personal journey by Jill Bolte is excellent. (Her Ted Talk is one of the highest rated.)

I’ve written about this book before, and it’s still hard to put down. I stayed up way too late last night reading. ♥

 

Pearl Five

When scientists analyze people who appear to have tremendous self-control, it turns out those individuals aren’t all that different from those who are struggling. Instead, “disciplined” people are better at structuring their lives in a way that does not require heroic willpower and self-control. In other words, they spend less time in tempting situations.” — James Clear ♥

Give your fur-kids a cuddle for me. My baby passed over two years ago. I’m adjusting, but sometimes it feels like I’ll be sad forever. Thank the Universe that human beings heal.

If you’ve enjoyed this post, I hope you’ll share it with a loved one.

Have a phenomenal weekend!

♥, Wendy

P.S. Are you new to the Inspired Eater? Welcome!! This blog won’t make much sense until you first read the Aunt Bea post (and you’ll find Aunt Bea on this page to the right under my short bio). On your cell you’ll see it immediately following the first post. After you enter your email address, the Aunt Bea article will be sent to your email’s inbox. If it’s not there, you might check the spam folder. And always feel free to email me at Wendy@TheInspiredEater.com and I’ll get Aunt Bea right to you!

You know the scoop: I’m an Amazon affiliate. If you buy from a link in my post, I’ll receive money, but the arrangement won’t cost you a dime.

I am not an expert, a doctor, a surgeon, a nurse or a nutritionist: the information within TheInspiredEater.com is based solely on my personal experience and is not intended to be used as a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. ♥

Pearl One

It’s Monday evening and you’re home alone. You’ve been losing weight at a great clip – always taking time off to “hold” and give your body time to adjust – but you know that your partner has cookies and cream in the back of the freezer.

And you want some.

I mean, it’s one bowl. No big deal, right?

And here’s what got me through difficult moments like this.

As I moved through my days, I saw making smart eating choices like I was working on a huge puzzle.

This is key I hope it makes sens. Let me know if it does or doesn’t Wendy@theInspiredEater.com.

The largest pieces of our puzzle are these VIPs:

• Finding an eating plan you like so much you married it.
• Planning (with as much determination you can muster) your day, your week, your month.
• Developing strong smart eating habits that’ll have your back during tough days.
• Journaling (affordable therapy for every budget).
• Offensive living (noticing ahead of time where obstacles will present).
• Self-Talk (forever working towards being kind and supportive).

We keep the big puzzle in mind as we engage the medium pieces too.

A medium puzzle piece would be:

• Ordering awesome books to be your evening book dessert.
• You become one with carrying your cold-tote everywhere.
• You’re a fanatic about tracking the food you eat each day.

Small — but totally change-making — are the many small pieces that fit into the larger picture:

• When your granddaughter offers a bite of her donut and you say, “No thank you, honey.”
• When giant muffins (cake) walk into your meeting, sit as far away as possible and have the banana in your purse or eat from your cold-tote instead.
• When you have a really nice salad waiting in the fridge for lunch, but there’s cold pizza in the drawer too. With the big picture front and center you choose to sit down with the salad (if you’re still wanting pizza after the salad reach for cottage cheese, yogurt or an apple with a small amount of peanut butter).

We won’t have a place for the medium and small pieces to go unless we first put in the larger pieces. Can you see how vital each piece is? Each level of puzzle piece — large, medium and small — is vital to making the big picture work.

And what’s the name of the puzzle on the box? WHY? ♥

Pearl Two

I see it again and again; a self-help book will include “love yourself.”

What does “love yourself” even mean? Most of the advice ranges from “be more compassionate with yourself” – okay but how? — or to get yourself a pet. (I’m not making it up, a certain website suggested several silly ideas for developing self-love and one was “get a pet.” You know that I love animals – all animals, I’m not picky – but getting a new fur-kid doesn’t have much to do with developing self-love).

The term “self-love” doesn’t mean much to me, but self-respect, self-dignity and self-deep appreciation sure do.

My theory is that it’s our cavewoman who comes into the picture when we’re talking about self-respect. Quick review.

Our prefrontal brain:

• pays taxes on time and our cavewoman is the one who wants to drain the savings and fly to Hawaii.
• says, “I eat broccoli and brown rice — with a pinch of salt — every evening” while our cavewoman wants pizza, but will settle for a grilled cheese sandwich with extra fries.
• goes to get sleep early. The cavewoman wants to read a good book into the night (“just one more chapter!!”) and prefrontal is a zombie the next day.

Journal-write about your cavewoman so you get to know her better. Ask yourself strong questions like, “What do you think about loving and caring for your inner cavewoman? “How do you distinguish between your prefrontal and cavewoman?” What do you love, love, love about both?” “When is it the easiest to flip from a day of your prefrontal being charge versus your cavewoman who goes wild with food?” “If your prefrontal was sitting right in front of you, what would you ask her?” If your cavewoman was sitting with you, what would you ask her?”

The wisdom will flow through the pen onto your journal. Keyboards work too! ♥

Pearl Three

A sequence a week

Once you get accustomed to doing sequences, you can do them rapidly like I did this week. But again I typed them out for ages. This sequence is from my own life.

The Initial Sequence

Situation (something concrete): my favorite news podcasts kept revisiting a topic in current events. Initially I refused to listen and kept fast-forwarding the show, but they continued returning to it.

Thought: I thought that the topic was just awful and I did not want to hear about it anymore.

Feeling: Rage, disbelief and determination to stop listening.

Action: My heart started to race.

Result: I was snappish with other people (and with myself).

The New Sequence

Situation (something concrete): my favorite news podcasts kept revisiting a topic in current events. Initially I refused to listen and kept fast-forwarding the topic, but they continued returning to it.

Chosen thought: I don’t need this information, but the more exposure – through the media — this problem gets the better. It’s great that the news is giving it so much attention. People are learning and that’s only a great thing.

Feeling: I felt pleased to think people would hear the story and make change.

Action: Kept listening to the show (once they were off the negative topic).

Result: Listening to the podcast and cleaning the kitchen. ♥

Pearl Four

Pearl four is an amazing book recommendation; not a review, just an awesome book I want to share

Well, here we are at Pearl 4 again. Over the week I went through a stack and didn’t find one book that I deemed worthy of being called a book-dessert.

My next plan when I don’t find a book I can recommend is that I’ll keep a list of classics that I’ve read and loved. Let me know if there’s a particular classic you love in the comments below.

As a young adult, I loved the comic strip Calvin and Hobbes. Since I loved the strip, I gave my boys their own beautiful set that I hope one day they’ll share with their kids.

Funny enough, I find reading a Calvin and Hobbes book to be extremely relaxing. It feels so good to go to sleep in a positive, happy mood. The strip veers from so funny to so wise. I’m going to read them again tonight.

Order some of the books from the library or buy the set I gave my sons: The Complete Calvin and Hobbes. ♥

Pearl Five

You were born to win, but to be a winner you must plan to win, prepare to win, and expect to win. Zig Ziglar ♥

My book is a great way to have all of the smart eating hacks in one place. Keep it in your kitchen for morning planning. The Inspired Eater: Fed Up!

And if you’re enjoying what you’re reading, I would love it if you’d share with a friend.

I hope you have a magical weekend!

♥ Wendy

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I am not an expert, a doctor, a surgeon, a nurse or a nutritionist: the information within TheInspiredEater.com is based solely on my personal experience and is not intended to be used as a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. ♥