Protecting Our New Habits Requires a Lot of Love and a Gentle Touch

Our developing habits are as precious and fragile as a small kitten. Photo by The Lucky Neko on Unsplash

Does it help to know that you’re not alone? Because you’re so not alone; and just like a garden that needs to be regularly tended; how we engage with food is an ongoing endeavor, never a one-and-done.

I’ve been having just one heck of a time these last few weeks.

Take a look.

Pearl One

As you know, I’m writing a book. We’ll call this chapter: How Wondrous Eating Habits Can Tank in Just Two Weeks. I’ve mentioned that due to my veneers (braces), I’d bit the skin on each side of my inner cheek. It hurt to eat or talk.

Nothing worked, so finally I went on an all-liquid diet. You can probably guess what happened next.

My gateway drug were the delicious blueberry smoothies I’d whip up for myself daily. But predictable story, short:  My smoothies slid me straight into mainlining vanilla shakes: at DQ (three), Chick-fil-A (4), and Wendy’s (1).

I even told the scarfer to pick up ice cream at Kroger with no candy or nuts, because everything had to be soft.

Turns out, in those two weeks, I ate/slurped more ice cream than I’ve had in the last two decades total. I told myself that I had to drink shakes, that my mouth wouldn’t heal otherwise. And — jeez — I couldn’t walk around half-starved for two weeks. (My cave woman was running the show. See how wily she can be? When we’re justifying our unwise behavior that’s when we know our prefrontal brain is being completely ignored.)

Truth is, I’ve never been much of a shake/ ice cream person. In the past when we stopped at DQ, I might order a kid-cone or nothing at all. But sad for me, B. in Oregon mentioned that the small shakes at DQ were awesome and so I gave it a go and OMG!! (Suzanne Somers’s right: food is better than sex.)

Guess how fast my shake-ice-cream-habit took hold?

That’s right. In a fricken’ instant.

It’s amazing how programmed our brains are to suss out calories and consume for the long winter that’s coming. Our cave woman brain doesn’t know when she’ll get another chance to eat, so she goes for it in earnest.

Fast forward to today, and I’ve gone cold turkey off the hard stuff. I’m okay at home because I simply asked the Scarfer not to bring ice cream into the house.

But being the Pavlovian dog that I am, every time I get back into my car I’m pondering the awesomeness that is a a vanilla shake.

To be clear, my sores are long gone at this point. I can go back to crunching through my oatmeal bowl and salads, but I ask you: who wants to go back to that when you can have a vanilla fast food shake?

My point: I had eight shakes total and in that time I’d obliterated my decades-long habits?! Appears so. Great eating habits take time to instill and can be vanquished in a second.

But fabulous news, putting good habits back in place is way easier today than it was years back.

Smart eating habits are like a tiny, darling kitten who must be protected, nurtured, and appreciated. No matter how many sores are crying out for soft ice cream, give in and you’re allowing the cave woman to rule your life. Ask your prefrontal brain to come up with a better plan than ice cream for the sores. And — don’t underestimate her — she’ll produce gem upon gem of phenomenal ideas. ♥

Pearl Two

A friend who’d survived childhood trauma couldn’t shake it. I’m betting Princess Diana had it especially during her bulimic years. And at my heaviest, I definitely had it.

Called “dysthymia,” it’s the diagnosis given to someone who lives with persistent long-term mild depression.

Unlike major depression where you can’t get out of bed, open the curtains, or bathe, someone with dysthymia feels “blah,” nothing’s all that exciting or interesting.

The high functioning person with dysthymia looks great on the outside. She wears smart outfits to work, is good at her job; goes out to lunch with friends; and vacations somewhere fun when she has the chance.

And unless she confides in you, it’s unlikely you’d guess at how she’s feeling.

My point: losing for the long-run means addressing our trauma at its very roots. When we try to fix our eating issues by only examining what we put in our mouths, we’re missing the opportunity to make significant change in our lives; to invite meaningful growth into our world.

What I’ve noticed in my own life is that both mowing down the weeds, and pulling them out by their roots is an ongoing part of living a thriving lifestyle; merely part of life.

So I’m regularly pulling an old (or new) issue out by the roots, while simultaneously creating ironclad habits for myself. We can do both at the same time.

But here’s the complexity: we might have had dysthymia as kids, or teens or young adults (or all three). But today, let’s say that we no longer feel “ho-hum.” Today we’re very much looking forward to our upcoming Hawaii trip, to seeing our grandson graduate Kindergarten, and planting bulbs for a gorgeous spring backyard.

Life is good.

So if we’re feeling pretty good, why do we continue to overeat? Because we developed a habit that may have served us years ago, but that today has only become it’s own annoying problem.

If long ago the food-fix actually helped you through tough times, the fix must be appreciated and loved for all it did for you.

Journal-write about how the fix helped you back in the day, and how she affects your life now. Thank the fix for the good she once did, and journal about how to s l o w l y (or the cave woman shows up) create new habits that work beautifully for the person you’ve become today. ♥

Pearl Three

In August, Pearl Three is about habit formation specifically: self-talk habits. How do you engage with yourself?

Last week I was having a quick conversation with my husband that ended with him going into Eeyore mode. As in, “nothing good will come of this! How will we manage?? We’re melting, we’re melting!”

His angst was rhetorical, he didn’t actually expect an answer.

But as I turned away to do something else, I was stunned at what flew out of my mouth.

I replied, “I’ll figure it out. I always do.”

Thunk.

Did that thought actually come out of my mouth? I mean, don’t get me wrong. I’ve been working on smart self-talk for ages, but I didn’t expect such a great thought to come from me unprompted.

If you’d love to better know your own self-talk, and how it’s affecting your weight loss, journal about the following:

• Is calling yourself “dense,” “a moron,” “dingy” a self-talk habit you’ve developed?
• What do you tell yourself when the best laid plans go south?
• Do you have the habit of expecting yourself to perform at the highest level, and then berating yourself when you can’t pull it off?
• Is “I’m such an idiot” a default thought for you? Why? Where did it first appear?
• Do you tell yourself that you won’t be successful because you don’t have the degree, the health, the brains, or the time to address something that’s been massively important to you for ages?
• Do you think you’ll have a more successful life if you’re hard on yourself?
• What’s frightening about talking to yourself with respect and kindness? Do you think bad things will happen if you’re supportive of yourself?
• When do you think negative self-talk became your go-to in life?
• What is one positive thought, you could turn into a habit by using regularly?

Discovering and addressing negative self-talk is like brushing our teeth: it’s a regular thing we do day-in and day-out. Be good to yourself internally and one day something amazing will pop out of your mouth too. ♥

Pearl Four

Food! A micro-tip moment. Of course, we order dressing on the side, but here’s how I keep it delicious: I dip my fork tines gently into the dressing and then spear my salad.

Of course, I don’t dip my fork into the dressing and pull out a glob of dressing before chowing on my salad. I make the tiniest of touches to the very top of my tines. Dip your tines on the regular and the habit will become your oh-so-tasty default. ♥

Pearl Five

Good habits are worth being fanatical about.”
– John Irving ♥

If you’re on the November/December Heath & Weight Challenge, two questions for you:

1. Are you writing your 15 sentences about something you really want in life? (Yes, I know this seems “out there,” but it’s not. Just try it.)
2. Can you stop eating after 6 p.m.?

Remember our goal is to embrace Thanksgiving and then the December holidays having gained health and lost — or maintained — weight.

If you liked this post and know someone who could benefit, please pass it on. A heartfelt thank you from me.

♥, Wendy

P.S. Are you new to the Inspired Eater? Welcome!! This blog won’t make much sense until you first read the Aunt Bea post (and you’ll find Aunt Bea on this page to the right under my short bio). On your cell you’ll see it immediately following the first post. After you enter your email address, the Aunt Bea article will be sent to your email’s inbox. If it’s not there, you might check the spam folder. And always feel free to email me at Wendy@TheInspiredEater.com and I’ll get Aunt Bea right to you!

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